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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU

22 replies

mum0707 · 09/12/2022 17:47

So partner came home with a large parcel today full with gym bags (he’s a trainer). He said he bought them as Christmas gifts for his clients. I do think that’s a bit ridiculous… fair enough a gift set/box of chocolates for your clients but each bag costs £25 and there was atleast 10. he told me I am being ‘toxic’ for being unhappy that he bought them all a bag. However my reason was that he doesn’t need to spend that much and he could’ve used that money for our bills.

he got the parcel delivered to someone else’s address (he uses multiple other womens addresses to get things delivered to as sometimes our address is awkward to find). He will never tell me who they are although I’ve found out a few by myself. He always rips off the address labels so I can’t see.

He was ripping off the address label and started trying to wind me up saying ‘you didn’t see the name! You don’t know who it was’ sticking his tongue out like a child. At first I just said ok I don’t care because I don’t want to acknowledge the petty behaviour but he continued to repeat it just to get a reaction from me and even said ‘I was there till 2/3pm’. That annoyed me as he’s deliberately trying to wind me up about going to another females address to collect his parcel, refusing to tell me who and saying he was at their place till 2/3pm (which I thought was weird as he’d usually be home at 12pm).

now on his behalf he has just seen that whole situation as a joke and a laugh and not serious but to me I’m tired of turning a blind eye to this childish behaviour. We have kids together and I found out he cheated for a year, so the fact I’ve given him another chance and we’ve been working on the relationship and things have been going very well, I don’t get why he’d play childish games to make me feel insecure.

when he was trying to get a reaction out of me I told him ‘don’t make me say something that will annoy you’ and now he’s saying that I have caused all the issue tonight and started it all!

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 09/12/2022 17:54

He sounds pathetic . He also has cheated before for a whole year and you forgave that ! Yet he goes round to other womens houses to ‘collect parcels’
is this manchild worth this much hassle . Some people thrive off drama but I couldn’t be doing with it . I’d have to get rid tbh

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 09/12/2022 18:02

Getting things delivered to other addresses because your address is hard to find? I don't think so, OP. He is 100% up to something shady.

Do you really want this literal bag of garbage in yours and your children's lives?

DatingDinosaur · 09/12/2022 18:16

He’s goading you with his shady dealings / wick-dipping and enjoying watching you pretend you don’t give a shit.

Perhaps you could get his divorce papers sent to one of these other women’s addresses for him to pick up. Round about the same time as you change all the locks in your house.

frozendaisy · 09/12/2022 18:21

So how long are you going to put up with this behaviour OP?

girlmom21 · 09/12/2022 18:24

He's still cheating on you. I'm sorry.

mum0707 · 09/12/2022 19:10

His excuse is that there’s a lot of theft with parcels around our building and it’s easier to get it delivered to others addresses where they live in a secure ‘house’ so it’s safer or if they live close to his work he’ll use their address and they’ll drop it to him at work. He’s very keen on ‘using’ people to his advantage if it benefits him such as using their adresses/getting discounts/receiving gifts from them etc etc.

OP posts:
DatingDinosaur · 09/12/2022 19:16

“He’s very keen on ‘using’ people to his advantage if it benefits him”

Yes, isn’t he just…

What a lovely personality trait to have Confused

Poppyblush · 10/12/2022 07:04

Wtf are you with him?

KangarooKenny · 10/12/2022 07:24

I can’t see why you are with him, and don’t say for the kids.

Longlongtime · 10/12/2022 07:26

Who are these women and how does he know them? Very weird.

mondaytosunday · 10/12/2022 07:45

Ive used the same trainer for years and she's given me a roller (about £10) and a band (about £5) in the past but usually we do not exchange gifts!
Your partner is treating you (and others by the sound of it) badly and the best thing to do is say 'good bye'.

Dacadactyl · 10/12/2022 07:50

He is not a good "partner".

He is not a good businessman.

He is not a good person.

Crazypaving22 · 10/12/2022 08:03

He's unsafe for you. He'll happily put you at risk. He's most likely still cheating.

And he doesn't care.

Why on earth are you still with this selfish, entitled nasty piece of work?

Bedazzled22 · 10/12/2022 08:47

The cost of a gift for his clients would surely be put through his business? I don’t get why he would have stuff delivered to multiple women’s houses… That just seems bizarre.

Winding you up about the address on the parcel behaving in that childish way? It’s frankly pathetic and very disrespectful given he cheated on you…

What’s to love about him?

Mirrorcell · 10/12/2022 08:54

Why are you with him?
he cheats, taunts you, uses people, is immature and wastes money that could be spent on bills.

Do yourself a favour and make plans to leave, don’t tell him your plans. Then go before he reeks you back in. Let some other mug have the prize.

Mirrorcell · 10/12/2022 08:54

Reels not reeks but his behaviour does reek!

CourtneeLuv · 10/12/2022 09:04

Why are you with him Confused

category12 · 10/12/2022 09:15

He's very disrespectful.

PopGoesTheWeaselYetAgain · 20/07/2023 10:41

Awkward, but I think you should explain the situation to the organiser and ask she's OK with you exchanging. It's not as if you just don't like the stuff - you're actually allergic. Also, if you are Muslim, I'm a bit surprised they gave you wine, but we all make these little cultural errors. Might be worth pointing out tactfully, in case they make the same mistake again.

Ilikejamtarts · 20/07/2023 12:35

Does he not know he could have his parcels delivered to the local post office, or a click and collect point shop??? They are safe places. He's fully taking the piss out of you and you do not deserve to be treated that way nor do you have to put up with it either. He sounds like a smug little child

PopGoesTheWeaselYetAgain · 20/07/2023 12:43

PopGoesTheWeaselYetAgain · 20/07/2023 10:41

Awkward, but I think you should explain the situation to the organiser and ask she's OK with you exchanging. It's not as if you just don't like the stuff - you're actually allergic. Also, if you are Muslim, I'm a bit surprised they gave you wine, but we all make these little cultural errors. Might be worth pointing out tactfully, in case they make the same mistake again.

I'm sure this was on the correct thread when I started to write it!

PopGoesTheWeaselYetAgain · 20/07/2023 12:46

😄

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