Pregnant and unhappy with partner

[Mumtobe888]

Hello,
I’m after some advice really and I guess for someone to listen to my situation, it’s going to be a long one (sorry!!).

I met my current partner for a first date on like the 2nd March, he lived in a different country and flew over to see his family and for our date, by the end of March I flew across to his county and stayed with him for a few days. By the beginning of April he moved back and pretty much moved in with me straight away (looking back I’m not even sure how this happened so quickly and it shouldn’t have happpened).

a few weeks later in the middle of may I found out I was pregnant. I was over the moon even though I knew it happened so quickly. We were getting on so well and I thought he was perfect. Looking back now there were red flags I should have picked up on, I was invited for a work meal and he got moody saying why did I need to go for a meal with a bunch of men from work and made me feel guilty for going.
since the end of May, I can’t stand him! I don’t find him funny, I hate it when he try’s to touch me, we don’t have anything in common, we sleep in different rooms because he snores so loud, he always asks what I’m doing when I’m on my phone (and has admitted he thinks I’m talking to guys when he sees me on my phone) he calls me all the time and gets annoyed if I don’t answer, if I try do something without him like go to the shop he gets upset.
he says that since I’ve become pregnant I’ve turned into a bitch and he just hopes that once ive given birth it all goes back to how it was before but I don’t see that happening.
I have said to him before about breaking up and he’s made comments about how his family have purchased things for the baby like the crib so where would the baby sleep etc.
he’s not a bad person but I just don’t think he’s the one for me.
the difficult thing is I have no family to rely on so if we do break up I’d need to seek help from the council as I’d be a single mum with no support.

the whole relationship has made my pregnancy miserable, I’ve had awful anxiety, mood swings and I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know if this is just the hormones talking, has anyone else been in this situation before?

OK, you need to separate the two out. Your relationship with the man has gone far too fast. You need to back away and say you need some space. Tell him to move out so you have space to think about what you really want. His family buying a crib is completely irrelevant.

Then the baby is a separate issue. As a single mum, you do not automatically need help from other people. I'm a single mum and I cope fine without help.

Do you have a decent job that gives you maternity leave? Will you be able to afford childcare after your maternity leave? Go to the benefits calculator and work out what UC you will be entitled to as a single mum of one on your income. Do you have a friend or sister who would be a birthing partner?

You need to think like a single mum now. It is perfectly doable but requires planning. Honestly, you'll be fine. Have faith in yourself x

Do not give the baby his name.

Good luck x

Tell him to leave and that you need some space. There’s no chance for your relationship if you continue living together. At this point in your pregnancy you need minimal stress and he’s causing too much.

He sounds shitty with his undertones of “well my family have bought the crib so if you kick me out I’ll take my child’s bed away” and frankly, you can do better alone.

You ran at this and it all happened massively too fast. First he needs his own place, urgently. Once there's space you can see if you actually like him. I suspect not.

Don't give the baby his name.

@MintJulia thank you for your reply!
I have asked for space many times and he gets really defensive. I managed to stay with my brother for a week in September and things were better after that (I can’t stay there all the time as I borrowed my nieces room!).
I think the reason he said about his family buying stuff was perhaps to scare me into not leaving as he knows I can’t afford it all by myself.

so I get three months of full pay, 3 months half pay and then nothing so I’d look at going back to work either full or part time.

I’ve told his mum about all the problems we are having but she just says it’s going to be so hard for me doing it by myself.

I’m not sure what’s happened and why I feel like I hate him so much.
he try’s to be nice to me but I don’t like talking to him anymore and it feels like a real effort to be nice.
when I mentioned breaking up a few weeks ago he said he’d rather stay with me and be miserable than quit.

we argue all the time (I’m not saying it’s his fault it’s mostly mine) I used to be a really nice person and I just feel like I’ve turned into a complete bitch since being with him

@AnotherDelphinium i have asked him to leave before and stay at his mums but he never goes.
I think if we do break up and he try’s to take things from his son then that says it all about him as a person really.

His mum will almost certainly always back her son.

Why are you looking to stay elsewhere when he moved in with you. Agree with others, he needs to move out (you can insist on this) so you can explore whether you want to be in a relationship.

@lamaze1 so after he moved in with me in April, we found out I was pregnant on the 18th May and by the 30th we had moved into a bigger house together.

like I say, I know it all happened really quickly, I think I was really scared at the time and just did what I thought was the right thing at the time.

Tell him the relationship is over. Look on Entitledto.co.uk if you are entitled to any Universal Credit, if you can claim you may be entitled to a Sure Start Maternity Grant of £500. Look on Facebook Marketplace for baby equipment, you can most likely get most things you need but as long as you have a pram, car seat, somewhere for baby to sleep, all you need is bedding & clothes.