I honestly can’t tell if how I communicate with my partner is reasonable or not. I would love to get some perspectives or advice on this.
i have always been a thinker and talker, none of my partners have really ever been this.
I split from my ex husband 3 years ago after he had an affair. But sometimes I think back about what I could have done to stop that happening, I know it was him and not me but sometimes I think of how I may have contributed to the split. He often called me a nag and said I picked at him, I felt I was just talking to him and trying to address issues we had in our marriage. And there were many.
my new boyfriend of 6 months has now said similar things and I feel awful that I may be making him feel like that.
an example- my new boyfriend is often moody, maybe once a week (I only see him twice a week or so), He’s quiet, snappy, not very affectionate which is the opposite of how he usually is. During these times I feel like I can’t really ask him what’s wrong because he snaps at me. It’s usually work/tiredness but it feels like it’s because of me.
so today I said to him that his moodiness makes this relationship feel very hot and cold, rhat I know it’s not because of me but it makes me feel like I’ve done something and then his expectation of me being happy and chirpy during these moody periods is hard to keep up when I then don’t feel like that. I said when he’s like that it sometimes feel like he doesn’t want me there and then I feel like I want to go home. I asked that even if he said something like “I’ve not had a great day” or whatever then I would maybe understand what’s going on for him. He got quite upset at this and said that’s how he is as a person and im picking at his character and that he doesn’t ask me to change who I am.
was I being unreasonable? Surely that’s a normal conversation to have to try to fix an issue?