lonely christmas

[Mollylegs]

Hi, my husband left me in August, he does have someone else even though he is trying to say this relationship is only new, I know otherwise. We have been together 20 years and have an 18 year old son, he has only seen his dad 5 times since August. His dad has moved 25 miles away next to his new bit on the side. His dad is being so hurtful, I can't understand why he seems to be enjoying rubbing it in my face. His son asked to see him leading up to bonfire night and was told he was busy, next day there was pics on social media of him and his new family, he had taken her and her kids out to a display. He put this on social media without having the decency to tell us first. He keeps telling me he has no money to support me and our son yet has been driving 25 miles away from where he's moved to and brought her to the restaurant we have been going to as a family, what would he have done if we had been there. I know I can't tell him where to go but I find it a bit shit that he will travel to somewhere we went to as a family when there are other places he could go . I'm dreading christmas so much, I have had my whole life turned upside down and I'm struggling so much. All his family who live just across the road have not bothered to check on me, why did his sister bother saying that we have been like sisters for 20 years and you always will be, I haven't seen her once. I feel like I have lost alot. I will still be doing christmas but I wish he didn't have to come here to see our son. I just feel so shit.

Sorry to hear this. Your son is 18 and he's not even supporting him to live in your house so I'd be taking some control back over this situation if o were you and telling him he needs to organise to see his adult son on Xmas somewhere outwith your home. Get yourself some nice food and wine and cosy up on the day planning the new year ahead and how to make sure this is your last sad Xmas!

So sorry you are going through this, it is the most horrible feeling. I am going through something very similar and feel it has been such a kick in the teeth. Take some time for yourself and surround yourself with good friends. Sending love and support

Why does he have to come to yours to see his son - as DC is 18 your ex could take him to the local pub or something. If you're not happy having him in your home, then tell him to make alternative arrangements.

Do you have any of your own family nearby you could see at Christmas?

And as for his family giving you the cold shoulder - you have no idea what rubbish he's been spouting about the breakdown of your marriage and, honestly, they are always going to take his side over yours anyway - I'd write them off and rise above it.

You might be better off deleting him off social media if he's going to be posting lots of Happy Family pics - you need to start building a life without him and Christmas is as good a time as any to start making new traditions.

Hi, I have taken him off my social media but he done this before telling his son or myself, I don't have family to speak of nearby, no friends as the people that were my friends were his friends too. He has ended up seeing a cousin of one of our friends group, he obviously met her through these people. He was telling me I was boring and didn't do anything, everytime I asked him to go out with the so called friends he said the wives weren't going but it seems everyone but me knew. I agree his family is a lost cause, they are his family but I did expect a little more kindness. He has completely broken me as a person. He gave me 70 pounds last month when he knows I am only getting 270 in universal credit and I still pay out 75 in DD so I have less than 50 a week. This is a man who brings home 800 a week after tax, he has been paying the mortgage and gas and electric so he says I can't complain. She knew he was a married man but decided she wanted him anyway. I would die if I ever did that to someone. I'm sorry if everything is jumbled and I'm not making much sense, I don't know if I'm coming or going xx

Just posting to offer support. I've got no useful advice other than you can't rely on his family. At the end of the day they'll stick by him rather than by you despite all the crap about being like a sister.

Don't let him in your home, he can take your son out somewhere.

Thankyou for your support, it's hard when I don't have anyone, my son has said he will go and see his dad at his grandmas but I feel bad as I think he would probably like them to come here as they have done for years but I think I will just end up so upset knowing he's just wanting to be somewhere else. I feel like such an arsehole not wanting his family here. I used to see my MIL daily but they have avoided me like the plague and it will just upset me having them all here pretending to be nice

I can see how difficult this is for you. But try and turn it around and know that you are now free. Free of this very unkind, selfish man...and his uncaring family. Your life is your own and now your son is 18 you can take up any opportunities for work or free time, make new hobbies, meet new people. Keep your head up.

I know it's not as simple as that but keep the man away from your home, take back control. Rise above cruel people. You aren't letting anyone down, think of yourself now, not others [apart from your son of course].

At Christmas treat yourself, eat what you want, have a drink, watch exactly what you want to and do something you enjoy. Indulge yourself even if it's a book, film, a walk, a duvet day, phone someone for a chat, come onto this forum for support...etc.

I've had quite a few Christmas days on my own. It was strange at first, now I positively look forward to it and the freedom to have a day to indulge myself, in peace I hope you get on ok.

Eventually, it won't hurt any more and you won't feel like shit. Takes a while but you'll get there.