When do you know your relationship is worth fighting for

[sigmawombat]

hi there
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 months, but the last month has been terrible for my mental health. I understand that he had a hard time because of his internship that started 3 weeks ago, but he does not treat me the same way anymore. I practically had to beg to see him sometimes, now the internship is over and he does small amounts of effort but it doesn't feel good anymore. He has changed and maybe it is because the honeymoon phase is over or maybe it is because of his new medication or the internshipt. I simply don't know, but I want my person back, this hurts like a bitch.
I am scared that i have lost my feelings and I dont recognize the person i fell in love with anymore. I don't know what to do, because I do love him but I can't handle the uncertainty any longer. Every small things he does, i overanalyse. We had a break-up last week and are giving it another shot but i feel uncomfortable. I know that relationships have its ups and downs, but i don't know if it will return to the way it was. The toll it takes at this moment on my mental health is awfal and i won't be able to take this a lot longer. So my question to you is, how do you know it is worth fighting for?

It's worth fighting for if you're going through a bad patch after being happy together for several years. Not after 5 months. Sorry OP.

It shouldn't be something you have to fight for after 5 months. It should be easy.

No for me it wouldn’t be worth fighting for. You should still be in the honeymoon phase at 5 months, not having to beg him to see him. Can you imagine what he will be like in 5 years if he’s like this after 5 months!!

I agree with everyone else. If it's already a struggle during what should still be the honeymoon period, it's definitely not worth pursuing.

All this about "fight for his love" is a lot of crap. Do you love him or are you really confusing that state with codependency?. An emotionally healthy relationship would never have you overanalysing what he said to you.

The person you thought he was no longer exists; that was a front merely designed to draw you in. Nothing whatsoever to do with any internship.

At a mere five months as well a relationship should never be this difficult; all the break ups and getting back together subsequently is harming you. If it does not feel good any more then that is a clear indication this should be at an end. Cut your losses now, wish him well and let him go completely before your self esteem and self worth are further harmed. Love your own self for a change.

The thing is, I didn't used to overanalyse anything. He said last week that 'he didn't want to lead me on' what made me pack my things and go but the morning after he told me that he wanted to be transparant with me and not break up. However, i agree 100% with everything you just stated and your point on codependency opened my eyes. Thank you for your time and advice.

I wouldn't after 5 months in. Shouldn't be this hard.

Move on without a backwards glance.

I don’t think anyone should fight for a relationship. Relationships can go through bad patches and in that case you should both be putting in effort to get them back on track. It doesn’t sound like this is the case here and especially if it is harming you.

I reckon if two people ever have a breakup, that’s it. One or other - or both - didn’t treasure the relationship enough to not break up. Game over. Especially as it’s only been 5 months!

"Fighting" for a relationship is something you do several years in when you've got stressful jobs/young kids/ill health to contend with but you both know your relationship is worth it and you just need to get through the shit period. And even then, it has to be BOTH parties putting in the effort. If only one person is fighting it's a losing battle. And 5 months in is far too soon for things to be this negative

I stayed in a similar situation for 5 years. Off and on from very early on. Things never got better and my MH got worse.

A relationship only works if both people choose to make it work.

He's the one who dropped the ball and who can't be arsed to put any effort in. You can't fight on his behalf. You can't do the work for him too.

So fighting for a relationship when the other person isn't is just silly and useless.

5 months in it should not be this hard.

So you're saying that his behaviour is what's making you overanalyse everything?

That's the hallmark of an unhealthy relationship.

UPDATE: i just broke up with him, thank you all for listening

5 months no way

@sigmawombat sorry but it’s for the best. I’ve been in emotional turmoil for years staying in a shi**y relationship. You are always left wondering. 🤗 xx

Ditch him.

Five months should still be honeymoon phase. If it's bad now it was just hiding behind a facade of good.

Well done

"I understand that he had a hard time because of his internship that started 3 weeks ago, but he does not treat me the same way anymore. I practically had to beg to see him sometimes".

With kindness OP he was busy focusing in his internship. You have only been together a short time. He is focusing on his future , this was probably in the pipe line long before he met you.

"now the internship is over and he does small amounts of effort".

Honestly Op and with kindness, he probably found your demands to see him during his short internship stifling, suffocating and an unwanted distraction. Personally , i would have left him alone to focus, he knows where you are! I suspect this may have been an eye opener for him and he is now reevaluating the relationship, hence his change. Personally , i would find that suffocating too. I suspect he will be seeing this relationship now as a non starter, hence his change. Sorry Op.

Well done OP. Onwards and upwards!