Worrying I’m not getting it right as single mum to a boy, what do you do with your boy?

[Irtyu]

Yes I know gender or sex not hugely relevant as he’s 6 but I worry im I’m not doing enough boy things.

at the weekend we are going to an aquarium and then ice skating. We might go to shops afterwards. I just worry I’m missing boy things as we are all women in my family and dc never met his dad sadly.

What are ‘boy things’?

Please don't worry. You're spending time with your son, building a healthy relationship with him - the most valuable thing you can do.

At 6 he will just want to spend time with you. Once he gets a bit older he might want to do other things and will no doubt let you know.

All children are different and enjoy different things. It is true that at a certain age they will notice what other children are doing and may adapt themselves to fit in more, but it's best just to be responsive to what your child needs/asks for.

It sounds like (I think) your concern is also about positive male influence being missing?

What about activities like football club, cubs/scouts, maybe martial arts classes. They might be mixed but they tend to have some some male helpers who could be a positive male influence?

Ice skating and aquarium sound perfect.
With my single mum raised boy I found he naturally gravitated toward traditionally 'boy' things when his friends at school started getting into football, etc. All part of being part of a group of friends. So once he got into that I took him to football training, which he still does now (18yo!)

I'd just follow his lead. My sons 'boy things' only started once he was influenced by school friends. We research things just like we would do with other questions - eg car makes, football teams etc. (we are a two parent family but my husband knows nothing about these topics!)

Positive male role models is maybe a different question.

I kind of agree with the "what are boy things" response!

However, if you feel that his experience of leisure activities is a bit limited to the things that you like, one obvious answer is to sign him up to clubs. Mine (DS and DD) do sports (football and tennis), running, dancing and martial arts.

I guess some of the perceived "Dad things" to do with kids are stuff like playing/watching football, fending off attacks/careful play-fighting and throwing balls around. But it is far more individual than that and will depend on the things that the parent likes and how much time they have for the kid(s). Non-sporty Dads probably do different things. I suppose you could try taking him to a watch a football match (a local lower league team maybe), if he's interested and if you haven't already. Boxing day matches are often popular for families.

Most likely as he gets older he'll start working out things that he wants to try (often things his friends do) and start asking to do these.

Do you think you yourself do mainly things deemed ‘girl things’?

I made sure all my kids had access to a range of stuff. Creative, imaginative, physical, outdoor etc.

Ball games are great for all kids, motor skills, confidence for team games at school etc.

Encouraging confidence in the playground. Don’t fall into the trap of bleating ‘be careful’ pointlessly. Give definite encouragement like ‘only take one hand or foot off at a time’ on the climbing frame.

None of my kids enjoyed shopping of anyone kind unless a toy shop. Or sitting in cafes as a ‘treat’.

Aquarium and ice skating sound fab.

Kids need confidence and resilience, role modelled and supported by any sex of parent.

Whatever he enjoys. Boys do tend to have more energy so mine go to the park every day but you don’t need to rush them into football too early. The only thing I always did was swimming as they will need to swim at some point living on an Island.

I think you just do whatever you both enjoy doing together, and you also do things the child enjoys but you don’t. This is the same for either sex. I have daughters but they have each always had boy friends as well as girls, and the stuff that they did together when a boy friend was here wasn’t any different. Craft things, charging around playing silly games, dressing up, baking. Only thing that was different was a total lack of interest in ball games eg football by my girls, but a couple of their girl friends loved it, and not all their boy friends were keen.
If you and your ds are having a nice time together, then that is great and it is all fine, whatever you do, so don’t worry at all.
If you are worried about a male role model for him as he gets older, then do you have any friends who are men ?

Don't worry about 'boy things'. Just be attuned to what his interests are and go with it.
My boys were interested in dinosaurs, football, cars, sharks and planes so very much what people perceive to be 'boy things'. I just let them get books out from the library on the things they were interested, toys they wanted, we watched tv programmes, I signed them up to play football and took a ball to the park and did general days out.

One of my longest-standing friendships is with a chap who lost his DF at nine years old. His DM was a wonderful lady who did a grand job raising his as a single mum, and as previous posters have mentioned, he will come across male influences at school, and from there hopefully branch out into other things where he will meet male role models (in his case, Boys Brigade and a choir). I think we became a "second family" because he enjoyed chatting to my DF!