Silent treatment

[KiwiKat0]

I am at the end of my tether with my abusive oh. He is not physically abusive but I feel he has become emotionally abusive.

an example is nearly 3 weeks ago we went out with friends. He wasn’t drinking. I have a child with special needs and few friends so outside of work, I don’t go out often. As a result I left my hair down and got a bit drunk. I did not do anything bad at all literally was at the table talking. I did smoke a cigarette which threw my oh over the edge and we had to leave .

m this was 2 and a half weeks and I have had the silent treatment from him.
we already sleep in separate rooms due to sons special needs abd

Only communicate about the kids.

I have asked for a separation as I don’t want to live like this anymore I think it’s such a horrible way to treat someone you live with.
meh has ignored my two messages basically telling him I want to separate.
meh just doesn’t want the hassle , he doesn’t love me and certainly hasn’t changed his behaviour since I asked for separation.
I don’t even feel sad the love inside me has slowly eroded away.

Youre not married, so what’s stopping you leaving ?
Do you have somewhere to go ?

You don’t need his permission to separate. What are you looking for him to say to you? What practical things do you need to put in place?

No I don’t as living in Ireland with housing shortage. I own half of the house and wouldn’t leave to go anywhere else with the kids as I can afford mortgage on my own but not rent in Dublin!

I need him to help me to come up with a plan so we can separate and work out financials etc: kids etc will be flexible as he is a great dad but just a horrible partner

Women in poor relationships often write the good dad comment when they can write nothing else positive about their man.

He is absolutely not a great dad to his kids if he is abusive towards you as the child's mother. He is also unlikely to at all co-operate in the process of you separating from him because he wants to cling onto the power and control he's had and still has over you. You do not need his permission to separate and you should consider obtaining legal advice asap.

Have you contacted a domestic violence support service in Dublin?. I would also do so as a matter of urgency.

Come up with a plan yourself looking at financial arrangements, where he might live (eg with family or work out what he might afford for rent etc) and put it to him. If you own half the house, so does he so if you can’t work out him having enough to fund alternative accommodation you’ll need to make a decision about the house, splitting equity etc.

Only on mumsnet do I hear one party saying they want to separate and the other leaving immediately - it took a good 9 months for me and my ex to plan for him to leave. It won’t necessarily take that long for you but if you want him to go, and he won’t talk to you about it, you’ll need to work out the options available to you both.

He's not talking, so unlikely to engage meaningfully in any discussion of him moving out. If you are not married and he won't leave, the next step would be to sell the house and buy something cheaper/smaller with the equity.