Obsessed with memories of ex from the distant past

[OldFan]

Hello my dears,

I got into a situation about a year ago where I started getting obsessed with thoughts of an ex from 25 years ago.

It's quite unpleasant.

Anyone been there?

I'm single, for context, so it's not effecting a relationship or anything, it's just not very enjoyable.

The thoughts are just about how much I adored him, wondering what he's doing now, feeling rejected etc.

@OldFan

well find him and find out if single

it’s easy nowadays

Can you work out WHAT it is? What aspect is obsessing.

25 years have passed. That’s longer than the time I’ve been alive. He isn’t going to be the same person now that he was back then, it’s not like the relationship will ever continue as it was back then.

He's married and he wasn't the best person anyway.

Can you work out WHAT it is? What aspect is obsessing.

That someone so physically beautiful was interested in me. It is mainly his physical attractiveness but spiritualized if you see what I mean. Also the rejection, and him not being on social media so I can have a peek is very frustrating. I'd feel better if I knew how and what he was doing etc, although we did chat briefly as friends about 8 years ago so I know he's ok.

It started when I watched a Netflix show about a year ago that was about someone obsessed with thoughts about an ex.

25 years have passed. That’s longer than the time I’ve been alive. He isn’t going to be the same person now that he was back then, it’s not like the relationship will ever continue as it was back then

lol you don't have experience of it so couldn't possibly think it could reignite.

Although in the OP case I can see it's a obsessive loop she's stuck in. I get them occasionally too.

But there are real life examples and even a thread yesterday about one's that got away reuniting very happily.

OP I found it happens when I am lacking in confidence.

I got in touch with my early boyfriend after 40 years. Luckily he had an online presence through a website. We still felt the same about each other even though we'd both married other people in the meantime. I was divorced and he was a widower by then. We've been together since. Good luck OP!

That isn't going to happen (which is fine, we had all sorts of differences etc.)

OP I found it happens when I am lacking in confidence.

@OhAmBackAgain That's a good point. I'm in my mid 40s and no relationships for a while, or luck on OLD so far.

I’d say you may need counselling if it’s a negative thought or your not sure why he is on your mind?

I have an ex from 23yrs ago that I’ve often thought of over the years. I was pretty obsessed with him, I was only early 20’s, he was 10yrs older and a typical Jack the lad. Said he didn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone but I could call round every week when I was staying at a friends for Uni and have sex! Stupidly I did for a good year, then he met someone else and actually married her. I have a mutual friend with him so have heard over the years how he’s doing, and he’s in his mid 50’s now, still has no proper job and is single. I had a nose on his Facebook page recently and saw he was going on a musical pilgrimage. Not sure why but that really made me laugh, I’ve now got a successful career, 3 lovely kids and whilst not always lucky in love I know my life would have been a lot worse if he had stuck around. I did really enjoy having sex with him and I’ve thought of that a lot over the years and even had regular dreams about him.

Probably bald with a beer belly and a midlife crisis to boot..

@DigitalTranny I imagine that he will always be attractive for his age. I mean, he really was. But he was sometimes a bit chubby so I suppose it's a possibility. He seems happy with his life from what he said a while back. His adult children and their kids don't seem to have much to do with him. I know he and his son don't get on at all (argue about religion.)

I feel a lot better today. I blame Digi's comment. 😀

Even the most beautiful of men age and he will be 53 or 54 now or something. I was a bit younger which was slightly seedy looking back.

I was 17 when he was 25. He was already on his second marriage with 6 children. Friends told me he would never leave his wife, which was why I sacked him off.

Within two months he'd moved in with someone else, who he's since married and as far as I know now been with over twenty years.

As a Catholic I can now see that it was sin from the beginning.

Could it be partly to do with sadness over you no longer being that age/ missing your youth? I had this last year and am menopausal. It only lasted a few weeks but was more to do with the lost feeling of being young and attractive I think, and missing carefree fun.

Yep, and someone really hot fancied me/loved me. That was a surprise even at the time and is unlikely to happen again. I definitely feel nostalgia about certain atmospheres of being young, even though I don't really miss much.

I'm not menopausal yet but probably will go through menopause in a couple of years (when I'm in my late 40s) if it goes like it did with my mum. I don't think I'm peri-menopausal but I get what you mean.

Last year I had about 2 times where I was broody for a minute. 😂