Starting to feel mad..

[AbigailLouise1]

I need someone who’s not my friend or his friend to give me their opinions…
Together 10yrs, one child together. Always arguing. Can’t converse without it breaking into an argument.
currently have covid. Forced to take time off work (I work full time). He’s self employed and has no work at the moment. I’m feeling awful with covid, trying to get the decorations done to surprise daughter, but no lights for the tree..and argument insues…he starts on about separating, I leave in tears, then I text this…

For someone who’s been sat down for 2 days, I’d have thought you’d have said “no problem, I’ll get the lights for you when I get * from school”
Instead I have to push for you to do it. I’m bored of having to push for things to happen, I’m tired. I’m sad it doesn’t come naturally to you to want to do something for one of us. Im sad this is shit. I’m sad you’re sad. I’m sad there’s no light at the end of this. I’m tired of this chapter in our lives.

response -
Full of disappointment me, I’m just sad you can’t like me for who I am instead of constantly complaining who I am….
Yeah I will get your lights later, make sure you give me a link for the ones you want, so there’s no disappointment

someone analyse this please? I feel he puts it back on himself being a victims. I need someone to tell me Even if I’m in the wrong for feeling how I feel…

He's on the defensive. You're not managing to talk with each other, are you?

Communication is hitting a glass wall of anger, hurt and resentment.

Would you consider counselling? A relationship counsellor - well qualified - to help you start hearing each other rather than pushing back and lashing out constantly.

I'm sorry, awful situation for you all to be in, and you must be feeling rotten with covid too.

I can picture this scenario with my soon to be ex husband - one day I realised he was never going to respond in a way that made me feel supported, he would always be defensive and wishing that he would do things to help was just a wish, it was not going to become a reality. It just becomes such a weary life. You can jump on board my divorce bus if you want 😂😂but in the meantime look after yourself

If you're off ill, why on earth are you putting decorations up? You're ill but still running around doing stuff: of course you're in a bad mood. Go to bed, get some rest and you might have fewer arguments. And if you do have an argument, don't go off but then continue it by text.

Like him for who he is??? Sounds to me his lazy and can’t be bothered with the relationship.
just because that’s who he is, doesn’t mean you have to accept it, if you think his below standard. Raise your bar.

You deserve more! You know you do, it's not about getting the lights... if it was a one off you wouldn't care. It's a build up of him being useless. You are not in the wrong, he is trying to make you feel worse. I'd seriously consider counselling or if this is the relationship you want to be in for the rest of your life.

You both have a problem with communicating. How else were you expecting him to respond? Sometimes we need to take a step back and look at our own actions and how they are affecting the dynamics. Counseling would help you both.

Sorry, but what did you expect him to reply to that? "ohhh no probs, back in a jiffy, my queen?"???

It was a passive aggressive text and he gave you a similar answer. Sounds like you've got to a point you both can't communicate positively any more and something needs to give.

Eeither get help and make a conscious effort to try, or call it a day. Probably the latter. Stop making each other miserable, especially when there's a child learning about relationship dynamics from you both