I've been in a relationship with my current DP for 4 years. It's pretty serious/committed, although we don't live together because of kids and not wanting to do blended families. Everything between us seems great when we do get to spend time together, and we text each other a lot the rest of the time.
DP has recently told me that an ex FwB has got back in touch with her after (apparently) not communicating for years. They were FwB briefly, just before me and DP got together. This time, he quickly got to suggesting they should get together and go out for a drink 'like they used to'.
For context they were never at any stage just friends without benefits - the going out that they used to do was for a couple of drinks as a precursor to sex on the occasions that they hooked up. So to me it seems pretty clear what his intentions are. I'm pretty sure my DP knows full well what this bloke is getting at too, although she didn't explicitly say so, but it was in the realm of the conversation we were already having. She even said to me that he didn't know she was in a relationship with me now.
I'd have expected that to have been the end of it, but apparently he's continued to message and reiterated his suggestion a few more times. Which implies that either DP hasn't told him she's in a relationship and not interested in reigniting their casual arrangement or that he's particularly persistent.
So on the one hand DP appears to be being honest with me - openly telling me that this ex FwB has been back in touch. On the other, she's played down his intent somewhat, and doesn't appear to have given him an out and out rejection, or told him she's not single. And in my experience (on the receiving side) the best lie is one that's closest to the truth - so DP appearing to openly tell me they're messaging again could be that.
She kind of gives me the impression she was actually considering going out for a drink with this bloke, or maybe she was just flattered he still fancies her and is simply enjoying letting him pursue her?
In addition to this ex Fwb, there's another bloke who's very active with DP online. Every time DP posts/shares something on facebook, he's there, within minutes giving it a like or love reaction, posting comments trying to eek a conversation out of it. On every single post she makes. Sometimes there's 'private' jokes between them (referring to previous conversations they've had). Sometimes it's banter bordering on flirty, just not blatantly so. Maybe he's just a prolific FB addict and he comments on all his friend's posts so extensively in the same way (not sure he'd ever get anything else done)?
DP knows this bloke from when they were at uni together, about 20 years ago. She's openly told me that she was quite promiscuous back then and had a lot of casual/fwb things. It's quite possible that this bloke was one of them. Obviously everyone has a past, that doesn't bother me. I've never asked questions (I'd rather not know details tbh), but DP has openly told me about her's in conversations.
The thing that rankles me a bit though, is that DP's relationship status on FB is publicly set to 'single'. There's nothing on her profile or in her posts that suggests otherwise. So again, this bloke probably doesn't know DP is in a relationship, and I've no idea what his intentions are.
He's recently suggested a reunion with old uni friends (although he seems to have focussed mainly on my DP). She responded by saying that it'd have to be something child friendly because of her kids, to which he fired back that wasn't what he had in mind - it had to be a child free major piss up type event. DP is fairly reclusive these days, despite my own best efforts to get her out for a couple of drinks with me when we're child free.
To top it all off DP has mentioned bringing another man into the bedroom with us a few times recently. I've shut that down pretty quickly telling her I've no interest in that at all, but a while later she hints/suggests it again. In the back of my mind it left me wondering if she's considering that as a way to opening the door to her meeting other men on her own. Given that we don't live together and circumstances mean we only get together once a fortnight, she has plenty of motivation/opportunity for that.
I've been cheated on a few times in the past, and it turned out my ex from my longest relationship was a serial cheat all the way through our time together. I thought I was well past that and confident at trusting a new partner, so I don't know if I'm being irrational to feel a bit insecure with my current DP or if my feelings are justified in the current circumstances?