What is the definition of ‘take it slow’

[Theonlywayisup1]

Came out of LTR earlier this year. Had a FWB over the summer, just as a bit of fun. Have dipped my toe in the dating pool, but very much a rookie after all those years with someone. Don’t want to rush into anything, but also don’t want to take it so slow that it makes me appear uninterested.

What is the norm for this type of thing? For ref I am 37(F) one DS(12), looking for something meaningful, would love a bigger family if ever possible, don’t want to scare people off, but also at my age can’t spend years trying to go at a snails pace?

any help gratefully received

I think if you want more children you don’t really have the luxury of taking it slow.

Have you thought about a sperm donor? Someone taking on your existing child is a big ask.

The reason you can't figure it out is because you're worried about 'how it will appear'. It doesn't matter how it appears. Do what you want to do. A compatible partner will respect that, and be happy to support you in it, from day 1. Anyone who makes you feel rushed (and that's your feeling, not a pre-defined set of events), drop them.

This isn't about a definable thing, it's about how you feel. Some people might feel rushed into commitment by a proposal at 6 months, some are blissfully happy forever more with a proposal at 2 months. It's up to you to define what rushing is for you, rather than others to tell you what 'rushing' looks like. You spot it by feeling it, not by being told.

@Watchkeys I do understand that, but then I read a lot of ‘red flags’ due to love bombing, meeting friends/family too quickly etc?

@Goatbilly I’m a little surprised by your comment, at this age a lot of people have children and not one person has said to me it is an issue yet. He has a father and I’m not looking for anyone to replace that, merely understand that I have responsibilities In my life.

Red flags/lovebombing etc are just terminology for things that wreck people who don't look after themselves. Do what you feel is right, and keep enough of you in reserve so that if your relationship breaks down, you know you've got your own back. If someone meets your family and then ghosts you the next day, and you're hurt but ok, it doesn't matter too much. If you've had no boundaries, got married after 3 days, told your family he's your man for life and you'll die if he leaves you, then it's worse. But it's not worse because of what he does: you have to protect yourself.

I think you need to be realistic about the time taken to meet someone compatible, date them long enough that you feel comfortable to consider blending families and then start TTC conceive a second.

You may need to decide whether your priority is another child or a relationship and separate those two aspects. I went through a similar process although DS was younger. Divorced at 35 with a 2 year old. As it turned out, I've only just got into a more serious relationship now 10 years later after dating on and off and DS is a contented only child.

It may be different if you have support from XH and more free time to date.

There are plenty of blended families, don't let some people's comments put you off.
I think when looking for a relationship, it's important to set out your expectations from the start, that you are looking for a potential relationship and would like more children in future, that Will hopefully cut out some men that aren't looking for the same.

When you do find someone you like, don't be afraid to ask them to make it exclusive, any one that hesitates or won't 'label' are stringing you along, you can cut those ones free. Important you stick to your principles.

A single dad? He would be in the same situation right?