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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is ‘good enough’ enough?

29 replies

DaftdoubleDaffodil · 06/12/2022 07:22

Hi all,

I guess that’s the question! but to give some context;

Im 38, my DP is at the top end of ‘good enough’ but we don’t have that deep deep connection you see in films (I don’t have that ‘this is the one’ feeling, but I do love him and I’m happy). I know a few people who are happy and have openly said they have settled, usually because they want kids, but they’re happy. And I know a lot of single people who are desperately kissing frogs in hope one becomes a prince, but seemingly failing. And I know one person who has given up on relationships and is now pregnant via IVF.

It all makes me wonder…. Do we expect too much? Has Hollywood/social media make us want the impossible? Is ‘good enough’ actually perfectly good enough… none of us are perfection after all!

OP posts:

MasterBeth · 06/12/2022 19:40

Pictograph · 06/12/2022 07:32

I don't believe in "the one" or "soulmates" or similar. I love DH and he loves me and we've been happy together for 25 years now. I don't feel the the mad passionate desire promoted in the movies, but I wouldn't say I've "settled" - I've chosen something comfortable and stable and kind and caring and joyful. That IS the real thing in my opinion!

^^ Love this

OldFan · 06/12/2022 20:22

I've had a man I physically adored in the distant past and I'd like to have that again.

user120222 · 06/12/2022 22:24

On one hand, basing your love life on Hollywood movies is unrealistic. On the other hand, you shouldn't go the other way and just settle because you think "that's just life".

I've had some bland relationships, and I've had some passionate deep connection relationships.

My first relationship lasted 6 years and he was my best friend, had so much respect for him. But there was no fire. But I didn't know this until I finally met someone who did ignite that fire inside me. The problem is, you'll never know unless you venture out and meet new people. The question is, is it worth risking what you already have?

Too many people leave great relationships because they think they can find better. And too many people settle because they think that's all they can find.

Mari9999 · 07/12/2022 11:12

I think that many people never bother to asses and determine if they are bringing all of the attributes that they expect to find in a partner. If you pass someone up because they are bland or just average, does that mean that you are exciting and far above average? I seems a bit unreasonable to expect to find all of these
po
?M??characteristics and attributes in a partner if you do not possess all of those attributes. It much like saying " I am good enough, but I expect wonderful " when you are not bringing wonderful to the table.

I cringe when I hear the terms "the one " and "soul mate." To me, those terms reek of superficial thought and immaturity. Does anyone really believe that there is only one person or a designated person for them? Does that mean "the one" in this city, this state, this country, this continent, or in this world?

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