Feeling hurt, am I being silly?

[CarlsHat]

I've been friends with X for about 5 years. Best friends. Have supported her through so much, seriously, had her live with me at times and helped her through hospital etc.

I've always been her only friend and she's now got a girlfriend which I am SO happy about. It's so lovely to see her happy.

She and her girlfriend are going out tomorrow night so X can meet her girlfriends best friend.

Am I being silly for feeling sad she's not invited me?

It's not a date, it's a dinner out so best friend can meet new partner, so wouldn't it make sense to ask me to come so we can all meet?

Aw you’re not being silly it’s natural to feel hurt, but I don’t think you should make a big deal out of it, it’s also perfectly natural for her to want to meet her as an individual - it changes the dynamic when you’re managing different personalities etc, it doesn’t mean you don’t love everyone equally.

At the same time, it your friend has only had you as a friend for a while, she probably isn’t very good at managing social situations. Eg a social butterfly would indeed probably invite you and create a wider group, help everyone make connections etc… but you know that your friend isn’t like this, so it’s unreasonable to expect her to suddenly have these skills!

I would just leave it for now, but perhaps you could try taking change in the next few weeks, invite the three of them to yours for some Christmas tipples or something to prompt a hang out!

Might be a bit much all at once. Maybe they find it easier to focus on one person at a time.

It's always scary introducing friends to new partners isn't it? I expect one friend is enough! I am sure your time will come.

Thankyou, you're both right.

I'm so happy for her and it's nice to have some of the pressure relieved with her having someone else in her life now.

I guess I selfishly was thinking of all the times I included her in things and felt a bit left out!

I agree they're probably introducing one close friend at a time to properly get to know each other. I've got a newish bf. I have met his mates in groups of different sizes, he's met mine individually (or couples) since I am new to town so it's been them visiting us/ vice versa. This includes an ex bf of several years ago who is now a dear friend. I'll be honest, I like my way better. Gives the chance to chat a lot more rather than get swept into group conversation after a few polite questions. I'm sure she'll be happy to introduce you soon enough.

I've been in a very similar position to you recently.

Very criend who has been single for a while met someone new and the person she introduced her new girlfriend to first was someone else.

I felt "oh" for about 3 second but then got over it. It's not about wanting to show your shiny new toy or best friend off to someone first it's just dinner, just an introduction, just a night out.

When I met boyfriend, he met my newest friend first. I met his oldest friends first. There's no reason for it, it's just how it happened.

I'd imagine the opportunity to meet the girlfriend's friend came up first and adding another stranger to the mix just increases the stress levels of what will they think? Will they get on?

There's even the fear that the friends would rather have met individually amd wonder why they've been lumped into a 2 for 1!

Someone's got to meet first. If it had been you, the other jest friend might have felt put out too. It's not a reflection on you.

Agree it's totally normally for her to just meet the best friend and not start crossing friendship groups, introducing best friends to best friends and so on. It's fine for them to meet as a three and a good way to start getting used to not being her only friend. That's not healthy for either of you, which is where these feelings are no doubt stemming from. It's nice that you've been there for her, but that doesn't mean she has to include you in everything. Indeed when people are in this first heady rush, especially after being alone so long, they're going to be a bit wrapped up in themselves. As long as she's there for you when you call, that's the main thing. Don't be eyeing her new social life and feeling hurt not to be involved in it all.

If you and the other friend were both there, then you'd both have to get to know one another (or at least make small talk together), which is not the point of the meeting.
How about you inviting her and her girlfriend to go out somewhere?