Feeling weak, would you get in touch?

[Henrilop]

I have an eight week old baby, my ex has never met them. He is a professor at at university, had a breakdown in my pregnancy and I had to leave. I was devastated as he was truly everything I ever wanted in life and I was heading for 36 when we met… I felt so lucky. After I left he accused me of cheating on him, saying how did he know dc was his etc… all utterly crazy as I adored the man and we were happy together (had lived together for a year at this point). He has a background of anxiety and mental health challenges and he couldn’t rationalise and see that I loved him and wanted it to work but I had to step away when pregnant as his behaviour was really impacting me. As it came up to birth I tried to encourage him to be involved… he had been so excited about being a dad. He didn’t respond to me and by all accounts has shut himself away from his friends and family and is burying himself even more in work.

I felt angry initially. I had no support from him and found him extremely selfish. Financially he’s not even so much as offered to contribute. But what breaks me is that his little girl is here, so wonderful and lovely… and I still love him… it’s nearly Christmas… how can he have cared so little as to have cut us from his life? Part of me knows that to get in touch would be harmful to me as I don’t think I could bear him not responding. I just find it so unbearably sad. I’m not interested in a new relationship, I honestly feel I found my person in him and I love our little girl. But I just wish it was so different. I look back on this time and it feels like it happened to someone else. Im not sure what im asking, just sad I think.

Put in a child maintenance claim
he has responsibilities he can’t just pretend don’t exist - she does and she’s eight weeks old. Congratulations by the way.
you can’t make him step up and be a decent father or person. That’s up to him. The ways he has treated you is incredibly immature and cruel, I couldn’t forgive that especially when is just given birth to his daughter

you are bound to feel emotional about this but my personal advice is to leave him well alone and crack on with your life. He doesn’t deserve either of you.

Don’t contact him. He’s made his feelings clear. Do open a claim with the CMS today. He owes your child a percentage of his income and he can decide not to have a relationship with either of you but he still needs to pay.

Gosh this is so hard for you, OP. You poor thing.

Please have some self-respect and don’t contact him. Definitely put in a CMS claim. That in itself might prompt him to get in touch with you?

Are you in touch with his parents? Might they want to see their grandchild?

thanks for the replies . I think I know I have to have some self respect now and leave it. It just feels like such a waste. she is such a lovely baby (I suppose I would say that!) and I really loved the man at one point. I think in many ways i don’t want to believe he put me through what he did without him having some mental health issues that may excuse it. Though as my friends and family say… not many people, either well or unwell, chose to ignore that they have a child.

I haven’t done maintenance yet as it seems so clinical and sad. I was planning on looking at it today though, it doesn’t seem right he can’t even make a contribution.