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Relationships

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Original poster

Is this a big deal ?...

20 replies

Clovertoast · 05/12/2022 13:42

DP of 3 years woke me up last night because i was snoring.
He thumped the duvet, and said Stop Snoring really angrily !
I rolled over absolutely mortified.
We don't live together all the time and we are both divorced.
It's out of character as he has never, ever been angry or shouted at me before.
I suppose I'm questioning it as we had a particularly tense weekend, he wasn't in a great mood

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 05/12/2022 13:43

I think being kept awake by someone's snoring can bring anyone to the edge of sanity.

Tipsyturvychocolatemonster · 05/12/2022 13:50

I was seriously tempted to punch my husbands face in last night due to his incessant snoring like a fucking steam train and I refrained but did thump the bed and shouted at him to stop snoring.

i feel his pain,

Isittrueornot · 05/12/2022 13:51

Humans get irrationally mad when it comes to snoring for some reason!

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/12/2022 13:52

Not being able to sleep is a big deal. It’s awful and debilitating. He’d probably tried to gently nudge you a lot before resorting to duvet thumping.

Tipsyturvychocolatemonster · 05/12/2022 13:53

Isittrueornot · 05/12/2022 13:51

Humans get irrationally mad when it comes to snoring for some reason!

It’s not irrational , sleep deprivation is a form of torture for good reason.

DancingSpleen · 05/12/2022 13:56

I do a lot worse to DH when his snoring keeps me awake…

Watchkeys · 05/12/2022 14:07

What's the story behind the 'tense' weekend and the 'not great mood'? Sounds like there's a backstory here. Why would a tense weekend make you question his angry tone? Surely it would explain it?

Relocatiorelocation · 05/12/2022 15:21

I've done worse to DH when his snoring has robbed me of sleep. Honestly it'll drive a person to insanity.

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/12/2022 15:23

Well if he doesn't like it, he can go back to his own house, can't he?

crikeybiller · 05/12/2022 16:49

I was at his house for the weekend.
I don't know why it's bothered me so much but it really has.
He was so angry, I suppose I'm.not used to it.

Cr3ateAUsername · 05/12/2022 16:52

Unless you’ve ever been kept awake by a snoring person you really cannot understand the total ANGUISH of it. You obviously can’t help or control your snoring but he’s not done anything wrong here.

samyeagar · 05/12/2022 17:06

crikeybiller · 05/12/2022 16:49

I was at his house for the weekend.
I don't know why it's bothered me so much but it really has.
He was so angry, I suppose I'm.not used to it.

One thing to keep in mind is that you would have been in a sleep altered state at the time, so could have misperceived his anger and loudness.

Mom2K · 05/12/2022 17:13

Your DP should wear ear plugs at night or else you don't spend the night at each others or sleep in different rooms. I don't see that he's done anything wrong - it IS extremely frustrating to be kept awake by someone's snoring. Even when my dog snores, I wake her up to stop it, but she falls asleep 2 seconds later and begins snoring again, so she doesn't get to sleep in my room anymore. She sleeps with one of the kids who isn't bothered by the snoring lol.

If your DP's irritation was spilling over from the tense weekend, then that might be something the two of you need to have a chat about and resolve. His reaction to the snoring is understandable but again, should be resolved with the suggestions above if it's an ongoing issue.

CheekyHobson · 05/12/2022 17:21

Obviously going against the grain here but I think that was horrible of your DP. My ex had a variety of sleep issues that affected me, including snoring and leg-jerking, and sometimes it kept me awake for hours and brought me to the edge of tears.

However never once did I bang the bed or shout at him when his issues were keeping me awake. I would give him a gentle nudge (or repeated gentle nudges) to wake him so it would stop and I talked to him during the day about addressing the issues.

Any reasonable adult can understand that when you are asleep you are not in control of whether you are snoring or whether your leg is twitching.

If your DP has had repeated conversations with you about the snoring and you have made no effort to address it, then he probably is feeling frustated (still shouldn't have shouted though) and you need to put in some serious effort to address your snoring.

If your snoring is very bad, you may need to accept sleeping in different beds. But if he has never made it clear that this is an ongoing issue for him and doesn't seem inclined to discuss it reasonably, I would actually be reconsidering the relationship.

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/12/2022 18:01

One thing to keep in mind is that you would have been in a sleep altered state at the time, so could have misperceived his anger and loudness.

That is gaslighting.

monsteronahill · 05/12/2022 18:18

I'd be imagining doing much worse if my DH was snoring and keeping me awake, it makes me irritated when he does it, so so mad. I poke him all the time and huff about 😂

Tipsyturvychocolatemonster · 05/12/2022 21:17

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/12/2022 15:23

Well if he doesn't like it, he can go back to his own house, can't he?

Who the fuck likes snoring. Most couples want to stay the night, what’s he supposed to do get up in the night and leave. Are you jealous she’s got a boyfriend?

QueenBeex · 05/12/2022 22:15

I've honestly been at the point of walking out to a hotel at 2am or punching a wall over snoring, it is VERY difficult to deal with regardless of it not being on purpose.

Watchkeys · 06/12/2022 15:34

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/12/2022 18:01

One thing to keep in mind is that you would have been in a sleep altered state at the time, so could have misperceived his anger and loudness.

That is gaslighting.

Suggesting that someone bear something in mind in their consideration of an issue isn't the same as telling them they're remembering inaccurately. The post made a good point, and the accusation of gaslighting is ridiculous.

RatherBeRiding · 06/12/2022 15:39

Being kept awake by a snorer is the absolute pits. If ear plugs don't help and there is nothing you can do to ease the problem, then you will have to sleep separately. I would seriously consider wreaking extreme violence on a snorer who kept me awake all night!

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