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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Are Late night massages ok? Am I over reacting?

7 replies

magicdaisy75 · 05/12/2022 12:32

Hi all before approaching my partner in relation to a late night phone call he made to a massage parlour on a boys weekend away I wanted to get some advice on the best way to approach.

So my partner goes away once a year for a boys weekend on the Gold Coast and has done so for the past 8 years that I have known him. I have not had an issue with it as he has always been really open with me in the past and was happy to discuss all the antics they would get up to.

this year however, felt very different as he was not open about what they did over the 4 day weekend of drinking gambling and partying. just said he had a good weekend.

I felt he was hiding something from me as over the past 18 months he has been very secretive and not telling me things he would normally bring up in casual conversations. He no longer talks to his friends around me and all conversation’s are done away from me.

After a few weeks of feeling something was off, I decided to check our phone bill. And while he was away, 10 minutes after calling me, at 11:00 at night he rang a massage parlour. I started to talk to him today about the weekend away and if he spoke to or met anyone other than the regular boys - and that is when he told me He caught up with a women he had previously tried to sleep with (although he claims that she was there with her new boyfriend) but he did not tell me this at the time. Would you class this as lying by omission? Which by the way I was told that there is a no women policy over the weekend and I’m not allowed to go…. But it is ok for another women to meet up with him on a boys only weekend?

he said that was the only person he met up with. I have not mentioned the massage parlour yet as I’m afraid to know the truth…. Although I think I’m more afraid of him lying to me saying it was a misdial. What if I have an STD? Am I jumping the gun?

OP posts:
ArcticSkewer · 05/12/2022 12:40

Once you get to the point of checking phone records, and finding something, then trust has gone. And for good reason.

No, late night massages are not okay, unless you are okay with him sleeping with sex workers, which is what it's a euphemism for.

He checked out 18 months ago. You may want to do a bit more snooping before confronting him, as I doubt this is all he has been up to, but you don't need proof. It's not a crime. You can just leave.

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 05/12/2022 12:40

Come on now. Unless you came down in the last shower, it's plain as day what's going on here.

Although I think I’m more afraid of him lying to me saying it was a misdial

In all my days, I have never misdialled a prostitute. How could that even happen. Why are you doubting your own eyes?

He's been off with you for 18 months, now you know why.

Which by the way I was told that there is a no women policy over the weekend and I’m not allowed to go…. But it is ok for another women to meet up with him on a boys only weekend?

Well, quite. It's not okay for wives and girlfriends to go, but it is okay for other women to hang around. Righty Ho then!

Ellessdee · 05/12/2022 12:41

Well you can wipe the idea of it being a mis-dial right out of your head immediately, as unless he dialled a number for say a taxi company immediately afterwards that had a one digit difference to the massage parlour number, he'd be lying. Have you looked up the massage parlour? Does it look dodgy or just a regular massage place?

Meeting up with someone he admits he tried to sleep with previously is bizarre and I would be worried about this.

The above two issues paired with the secrecy doesn't look good OP. Sorry to say it sounds like he is cheating, or at least thinking about it.

Lottapianos · 05/12/2022 12:44

'Why are you doubting your own eyes?'

This is the question. You know in your gut that none of this is ok

7ftChristmasTree · 05/12/2022 12:45

Tell him you know he visited a prostitute. Then don't say anything else, wait for him to respond.

Ellessdee · 05/12/2022 12:49

Ellessdee · 05/12/2022 12:41

Well you can wipe the idea of it being a mis-dial right out of your head immediately, as unless he dialled a number for say a taxi company immediately afterwards that had a one digit difference to the massage parlour number, he'd be lying. Have you looked up the massage parlour? Does it look dodgy or just a regular massage place?

Meeting up with someone he admits he tried to sleep with previously is bizarre and I would be worried about this.

The above two issues paired with the secrecy doesn't look good OP. Sorry to say it sounds like he is cheating, or at least thinking about it.

Re my above post, is a massage 'parlour' always a euphemism for sex services/prostitution? I don't know much about these things! If it is, and it was definitely somewhere offering this type of service, then you need to get rid OP.

ArcticSkewer · 05/12/2022 12:52

Sometimes a massage parlour is just a massage parlour.
One that is taking late night bookings in a stag do type place?
Unlikely to be legit!

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