Wow where do I start, I never thought I’d be posting on a site like this but I’m feeling that low and desperate.
so me 38m and my wife 39f have been together for 20 years. Mostly a good relationship for 12 years other than a few hiccups. I guess looking back I should have paid more attention to the early red flags but as they say love is blind. My wife has always been to me the most beautiful female I have ever met in rl. I’m mad about her especially the way I find her attractive. The red flags were that she always flirted with someone, there’s always been someone else I seem to be fighting for her attention with.
we got married after 10 years and have 3 children. Once we was married I thought that’s it and everything with life, work buying a home all aligned.
about a year in to the marriage she seemed much more interested in work and was putting much more effort into her appearance. You can see where this is going…
I was getting jealous but I am a jealous slightly insecure person so it’s sometimes easier to think it’s you. I do check her phone without her knowing and saw that on her frequently contacted was a young boy from work but I looked up his Facebook and really felt there was no threat. Anyway normal legs went on and a year later I find out from her that there is rumours going round about her and this kid at work. He was 19, they was texting and the more I probe the more I find out, they never kissed but was chatting over the phone and texting, he gave her butterflies and she told her freinds this which got back to her, she was texting him whilst on a family holiday I think. Admitted to fancying him, spent time in our family car with him after work as she dropped him off, this went on for 3 months until he went back to uni although he didn’t want to go because he told her he really liked her. He asked if they would still text when he went back, she said it wasn’t a good idea as I wouldn’t like it but never the less she did continue until he met a girl his own age and basically told her to leave him alone as he has a girlfriend. He returned the flowing summer and she told him not to Kiss girls in front of her as she likes him. They shared a taxi home just the two of them and that’s how the rumours started plus everyone knew how she was around him. There’s more but these are the things that hurt most. This was over 6 years go now and I’ve just never got the feeling back of how I felt my life was.
my question is to women, is it possible for the facts above to happen and still love your partner, was it just a waiver, has she learned her lesson?. Am I being a fool?. If it weren’t for the kids I would have left but I also know if it weren’t for the kids she would have left me for him anyway. I just can’t deal with this feeling and have dark thoughts at times. I just can’t handle the feeling of being second best to a kid who couldn’t even afford petrol to get home from work. Is anything worth saving as these feeling make me self destruct and also make me be mean to my wife as when I think of it I hate her for letting it happen. Deep down I love her so much though I just can’t imagine feeling for someone else or wanting them as much as I do her. There’s so much more to say but I just can’t get it out even after all this time the hurt is so deep. She is on a night out tonight and I’m freaking out aswell. That’s not healthy.