To stay or go?

[user1471501537]

Married, 12 years, 3 kids (9,6,18months).

3 years ago I became overly close to colleague. We had affair. Would love to say it was all a big mistake, but i don't think that's true. I wouldn't have done it if there hadn't hadn't been cracks in marriage (although does not excuse behaviour- this was my fault and I fully accept that).

We decided to stay with our spouses. I went on to have another baby- a much loved and beautiful little one. I thought I could be happy. I wanted to be happy and so I focused energy on that.

I told my husband. Not the extent of affair, but that we had been too close and that we had sex. He decided to forgive (although is understandably not forgetting).

For my kids I want to make this work. They love their dad, he is an amazing dad, I am not unhappy, he is a very good man. But I struggle. I was very much in love outwith my marriage. I think of the other man so much. He is no longer with his wife, is now dating. I want him to be happy, but I miss him.

What should I do? Feel my kids happiness should be before mine, but I feel conflicted..

Thoughts?

you miss this man, but does he miss you? That would be my question. He may have moved on with his life and you’re stuck in a
loop of “what if?”

He says he does.

However, I totally understand that he needs to move on. At end of day, I am at home with my family, he is alone, so he should be moving on.

He is a lovely man, and I want him to be happy.