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Original poster

How would you feel if new date disclosed previous drug use?

44 replies

Smarties86 · 04/12/2022 21:49

New boyfriend has been honest up front and said that he was a long term cannabis smoker, came off it after he realised it was affecting his mental health, glad to be off it and feels the benefits. Would take edibles every now and again but would never smoke it. Also disclosed using party drugs for many years up until recently. Says he can take or leave them and hasn’t used them in a few months. He said if I/any new partner wasn’t keen he wouldn’t do it. mid 30s with a professional job, own house etc i have a young child. I don’t like to judge anyone on their past but I would like to hear what your initial thoughts would be on this?

OP posts:

Newwardrobe · 05/12/2022 15:02

Also "take it or leave it" usually means "take it

Yep , it'd be a pass from me.

stealthninjamum · 05/12/2022 15:10

I’d want to know a bit more about why he stopped, for some reason ‘take it leave it’ and wouldn’t do it if you didn’t want him aren’t really strong enough reasons. I’d also want to meet his friends because I think it’s easy to come off the wagon if you get drunk with friends who are a bad influence.

So while I generally believe in giving people a chance I’m 90% end it with this one.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 05/12/2022 15:33

Wouldn’t care

Fmlgirl · 07/12/2022 22:43

All the long-term stoners from school that I know have gone on to have serious issues: psychosis, deranged conspiracy theorists etc, not functioning in society. I used to smoke the odd joint when I was younger but I do not believe one bit after all that I’ve seen now that cannabis use is harmless.

Fairislefandango · 07/12/2022 22:50

Would this put you off him as a potential partner?

Yes, definitely.

aurynne · 08/12/2022 02:16

I deserve better than a druggie. I have never taken drugs and I don't want the risk of having someone in my life who takes them. It's a hard no from me.

Zedcarz · 08/12/2022 02:25

A few months ago is the summer. Very likely next summer when party season really kicks off again he will be back on it.
Probably a cheeky one for Christmas and nye too

RogersOrganismicProcess · 08/12/2022 02:30

The odd bit when young (late teens, early twenties) fine, and longer or more than that and I’d presume there was a problematic reason for it. I’d also look at his ethics regarding being flippant about how those drugs got there in the first place and think of it as a good indicator of how trust worthy he was.
I wouldn’t want someone who I couldn’t trust or was clearly unstable as a life partner. Especially if I would be financially embroiled with them, or having children with them.

category12 · 08/12/2022 07:07

I'd be put off by the fact he's suggesting he wouldn't do party drugs if a partner didn't like it.

That's a recipe for resentment right there. I'd want him to take responsibility for his own use or not, not put it on you.

I'd also be put off by him still doing edibles.

Basically he's still a drug user.

I couldn't be arsed with that in my life.

OrlandointheWilderness · 08/12/2022 07:56

Nope, completely no go here.

Zanatdy · 08/12/2022 08:35

I’m not sure. I think it would bother me. But it would depend I think how I felt about him and if I felt it was serious that he had given up

MistyFrequencies · 08/12/2022 08:39

I took a fuckload of drugs when younger. Grew up and saw the exploitation associated with the drug trade and my part in that, so stopped. You wouldnt know to meet me- 2.4kids white picket fence professional now. So I would be on the fence about him. Sounds like he doesnt really yet see the harm in what he is doing and if he would only stop if his partner wanted him to, thats not ideal; quitting anythimg for someone else never really works.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 08/12/2022 08:42

Recreational drugs? Fine. Heroin or crack would be different matter.

WandaWonder · 08/12/2022 08:45

Personally I am very anti illegal drugs but if it is actually history then I would be fine, as in 'I will never do again' and actually meant it, as in totally clean and moved on

NewToWoo · 08/12/2022 08:45

Must admit it might put me off. Mainly because I couldn't risk getting close to someone who might start using again, and because I would be quite judgemental of someone who had relied on weed for so long as I absolutely loathe the stuff. Bit of a double standard as I would be more tolerant of someone who'd given up drink, which is in many ways a far worse addiction, but I grew up around drinkers and that's the social drug I feel OK with.

Shoxfordian · 08/12/2022 08:46

Bit of a red flag 🚩

bingalingabing · 08/12/2022 09:00

Whilst you are not heavily invested, don't go there!

My DH said the same to me, I've done weed, but don't like how it makes me feel so don't do it.... It was all lies. He is a heavy user and we are 3 years married with a DS together. I like you had a young child when we met also. He does seem to have stopped the party drugs (MDMA, ecstasy etc). I only found out within the last year and am living a nightmare. Some of the time he is wonderful (he is also a professional with a great job), the rest of the time weed is his priority and we are lied to, ignored, constantly let down. I kicked him out 6 months ago, he's told me he will give up. Told me he can take it or leave it. Still nothing. Oh and I've just been diagnosed with breast cancer, still weed comes first though ...

My DH is 43, smoked weed since teenager. Like a PP said, what is his social circle like? My DH has friends not functioning in society, conspiracy theorists etc. All addicted to weed. Cannabis is a very harmful drug. The selfishness of an addict is unreal.

I appreciate your date is not my DH, but I would be untrusting if I were you and if I could go back to the position you're in now I would run a mile.

00deed1988 · 08/12/2022 09:05

It wouldn't for me but would depend on the situation and boundaries you have and set and if they agree. My husband was a regular cocaine user and other drugs. Not addicted but most weekends. We were friends back then and although we did have a fling I would never had gotten in a relationship with someone like that. Then he had my DSS and became a full time single dad and stopped all together. We then reconnected and got together but he knew it would be a deal breaker for me if he even touched it once. He never has. He doesn't want to and has never considered it. It has been 11 years together now, about 12 since doing that.

dieselKiller · 08/12/2022 09:05

Deal breaker. “Can take it or leave it”, “not for a couple of months”, and “would not do it if partner doesn’t like it” sounds like a regular drug user to me. Not compatible with people who would never try pot, have never tried pot, tried pot once as a teenager and never again. “Party drugs” could mean coke, meth. I guess it rules out heroin. Avoid.

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