Have you ever left someone you really loved due to future wants and managed to get over them? met else?

[Rosetintedglassess]

Looking for words of wisdom! I left my long term relationship as he didn’t want anymore kids and I didn’t want to have any regrets by shutting that door in my 30s (I’m 35) The trouble is, the relationship was otherwise still going strong so it’s been incredibly hard and painful to break away. Its been 6 months since I left and I still have a lot of feelings there. I know I need to get back out there dating but my heart is still with him. I don’t still don’t feel ready and also don’t think it’s fair on anyone else when I’m not over my ex. I feel like I should be over it by now though and maybe I’m looking back with rose tinted glasses but I just miss our life. I’m looking for other people stories where you split up with someone you loved due to different wants and how it turned out? I know logically I need to move on but how?! We kept in touch the first 3 months but then I had to go no contact to see if I could move on but I still feel such a strong connection even after 3 months of no contact. We were both really upset when we broke up but we both also didn’t want to stay together and resent each other for either me not having kids or him having another one he didn’t really want. I need a push though and some wise words as unless I can snap out of this I worry I will end up with nothing and no one!

*title should say and met someone else?

Hi yes I left the person I loved twelve years ago because I thought he wouldn’t mix with my family or that my parents would disapprove, I still miss him terribly and would love to see him but I can’t
I have remarried and have lovely children but I still remember what I miss and how it felt to be with my first
I broke his heart at the time and I was cruel to him which I regret
my husband now is a good kind man. It it’s no use

@Rosiebelle17 Did he go on to meet someone else too? I feel like this will always be a relationship that sticks with me like yours has, even if I go into meet someone else and have a family, I will always miss what I had with this guy. But I also know if had stayed with him I would have the same feeling about what “could have been” regarding having kids. I feel in a no win situation and I just feel sad about it.

I don’t know if he did or not
I have no contact with his friends or him now, I’m sad too 😟 I know how you feel
there is no win , sometimes you will always wonder ‘what if ‘ best thing is make a decision and stick to it

I did meet him briefly a few years ago , he passed in a car and I had a surreal feeling he was there and when I looked it was him
the connection was always so strong
I love my children but I made a mistake leaving him

I had this the opposite way around. I don’t want children and my ex did. We divorced and I moved on and met someone else, I am much happier now I’m with someone where I can see there is a future but at the time it was so hard to deal with because we were so happy except that issue and we still loved each other very much. It’s a horrible situation to be in and I hope you can find a way to move on 💐

I left someone several times and kept going back because I loved him, but we didn't make each other happy, wanted different things and there was also a big age gap. I miss him every day and don't think I'll ever find someone like him, but ultimately I couldn't live with him. The last time we split up was two months ago, this has to be the last time.

@Ealingcomedy thank you, I hope I start to move on soon too. It’s so much harder when you still love someone and the relationship is otherwise ok. Did your ex go on to have kids?

I left my ex because I wanted children & he didn't know what he wanted. If you'd asked me at the time I would have said I loved him but with hindsight it wasn't really a great relationship & I think it had run its course.

I very quickly had a fling which definitely helped & then found DH who had been under my nose.

So it may not be right for you but the thrill of someone new with no pressure certainly helped me.

I left the love of my life because of certain non negotiables not aligning with eachothers. Missed him every single day for 15 years. He heard i was working somewhere last year and came to see me. We both feel the same, its like not even a day passed, but it still doesnt work, just like it didnt before..

Ive met others that were nicer, better suited but theres a feeling only he can give me. We wont forget OP but maybe one day we'll feel for another enough to be content..

Yes, I put destiny in my own hands, and I think you’re definitely doing the right thing.

If he loved you more than he loved himself, he would have a child with you and for you.

You would have ended up resenting him for depriving you of one of the most natural instincts/wants a woman can have.

It’s very hard and painful, but you will come through it, which doesn’t mean you’ll ever forget him, but you will one day see him in a different light. It can take a long long time though.

It really is hard to move on from when you still love the person and care for them and you want to be with them but as soon as you do move on it will feel much better.

My ex has stayed single since we divorced but we have both moved on from the marriage enough to be able to chat when we see each other around.

Thank you for your replies. I just keep waiting for that day I start to feel like I’m moving on but I haven’t felt that yet. I feel like I left our life together but my heart stayed there. I’ve had longer relationships where I didn’t feel this heartache. But yes I have to tell myself sometimes love just isn’t enough. I just can’t imagine having that connection or click with someone else in the same way. There’s also a part of me that will feel guilty if I met someone else. Which I know is stupid but I can’t get rid of that feeling either!

I married someone who didn't want children but I did, couldn't bear the thought of not being with him. It's the biggest regret of my life, not having had children. It's in my mind all day every day. We divorced three years ago.

It’s a cliche but it is true - time is a great healer.

I’m not saying you will never think about him or your life but every day you’ll be healing a tiny bit more and moving forward a tiny bit more and one day you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come.

@freeandfierce I’m sorry to hear that. That was part of my reason for leaving, that there was no guarantee we would last. At least this way if I don’t meet someone else or it doesn’t happen then it’s just not meant to be. But I couldn’t have lived with the what ifs. I know I still have the what if with my ex but if we are meant to be we could always get back together down the line whereas if I gave up my change of a family I couldn’t get that chance back once the window has closed. I just need to get over him ASAP so I can give myself a chance of having what I left him for!

@Ealingcomedy thank you

I think you have done the right thing, although it's a very difficult decision. I can't wind the clock back, too late for children now. My biggest regret. I hope you have a better outcome.

OP thats a really awful situation and difficult when you both want different things, but still clearly have feelings for each other, must be really painful. Theres no right answer in terms of moving on, and different people find it easier than others. Im sure there are plenty of posters who feel similar to you, me included.

@ItsMeHiImTheProblem very much the same, age difference too, plus he had depression and i found that difficult, ocd too, but a really lovely guy who loved me to pieces and was probably the love of my life, but i ended it so many times, i would feel restless and craved something more, then I'd want him back, but i couldn't keep doing that to him. Ive had a few relationships since and i feel positive at first and like the freedom, but then i want him back again because i love him, and its mad because i know i wont find anyone like him again, but when we're together at some point i just get restless again, for some reason he doesnt seem to get tired of me! No idea why, he just wanted to settle down with me but i always get itchy feet and end up hurting him again and again. Ive had flings too with other people (again feeling restless) and he still stayed, ive behaved badly at times and im not proud of it, i used to think youre so much better looking than me and younger, why are you with me, maybe i pushed him away because i was scared he'd leave me at some point, i dont know. I think he needed stability, and he wouldn't get that with me, im very much up and down, and i think I'd just keep making him miserable 😔 Its mad really because even though he irritated me at times and i felt trapped at times, i know now it was mostly me and he wasn't doing anything wrong, it just wasnt enough for me, but I'll always love him and its painful still, more so because i messed it all up, and the men ive seen since just make me realise what ive lost. When we were together eventually i would want something else, and then when i got something else i realised that didnt make me happy either. I just felt it wasn't fair keeping picking him up and dropping him though.

If he loved you more than he loved himself, he would have a child with you and for you.

What absolute nonsense!

No one should ever have a child they don't want. It's not like compromising on what to have for dinner. It's a whole new human being and a life time commitment. What a ridiculous thing to say.

Most of these are so very sad, such a waste.

I left a partner of 12 years, part of the reason was that he didn't want children. Unlike your situation, there were a few other small issues with the relationship but generally we had a great connection and cared about each other. If he wanted children as much as I did, we may have stayed together.

It was hard but the right decision. We're still sort of friends however it's a bit strained because we are now both with other partners and his gf feels a bit uncomfortable with it, so I keep at arm's length but have him on social media.

I'll probably always care about him but I know the situation wasn't right, and I know he's doing OK without me.

You will be OK if you move on, as will he.

I think you need to focus on why you split up. You want children - you want them enough to split up with someone you love, and at 35 you need to start actively thinking about how you are going to get them. You are clearly not ready for another relationship and even if you were it could be 2-3 years before you had a baby. So what are you going to do? Focus your energies on your priorities, not mooning over someone with whom you’re ultimately incompatible.