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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is my man controlling?

12 replies

Team1991 · 04/12/2022 19:09

So this is only my side to the story.

My partner tends to pick my insecurities and suggest I change them. "Maybe try not apologising so much". "Maybe try being more optomistic".

He is always calling me a hypocrite but I feel like this is a distraction technique to defer that it's really him that the hypocrite but again that's only my side.

I honestly constantly doubt he even likes me the way he talks about me.

When we have a conversation it's his way or the highway.

Anything I want he pretty much disagrees with and tell me no. I want a cat after mine died he said no. I wanted to put up the Xmas tree early he said no. Sounds petty but it's true.

We constantly disagree about parenting and it usually unfolds how he wants.

I feel so unheard. I feel so lonely, lost, insecure and totally exhausted by trying to fight a self entitled human being.

I can't leave him because of my son. Please suggest how I can stop this pattern from continuing? I'm desperate and not functioning. He said he is getting whiplash over my moods but I'm so sad 😞

OP posts:
Fairislefandango · 04/12/2022 19:14

He sounds awful. Why do you say you can't leave him because of your son?

pinneddownbytabbies · 04/12/2022 19:14

He sounds horrible and downright nasty to you. How long have you been together and has he always been like this, or has it got worse recently?

Team1991 · 04/12/2022 19:17

Because my son lost his father and I don't want him to lose another. I couldn't bare watching it again. He is a amazing dad. And loves my son.

We have been together 2 and a half years. We got together very fast after my marriage ended. Pretty much weeks. My marriage was 13 years in total

OP posts:
Team1991 · 04/12/2022 19:18

It's pretty much been rocky for 2 years. I have a lot of insecurities and he seems sick of me

OP posts:
Bedazzled22 · 04/12/2022 19:30

He’s a good dad you say, so why do you disagree re parenting?

TwilightSkies · 04/12/2022 19:31

It's pretty much been rocky for 2 years. I have a lot of insecurities and he seems sick of me

So it’s been rocky for the entire relationship?
It sounds really unhealthy

TheFormidableMrsC · 04/12/2022 19:35

This is absolutely not a healthy situation for your son. A man who treats you badly and disagrees with everything you say. No thanks. It's not a good example to your son either. You both deserve better than this. You can and should leave this relationship.

Takenoprisoner · 04/12/2022 19:50

Please leave him FOR YOUR SONS SAKE. Do not expose your son to this man who treats you so badly, it's abusive and children must be protected from abuse. Watching you being abuse is abusive to your child and is one of the many different types of ACEs (adverse childhood experiences) that can affect a child for life and set them up for a lifetime of mental health issues.

Additionally, this will become his blueprint for a relationship and he may go onto abuse others in relationships or accept abuse from them as this is his normal.

You're doing yourself and certainly not your son any favours by staying with his awful man. And please don't use your son as an excuse for not leaving this horrible relationship. With the right support, your son will be absolutely fine in time.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 04/12/2022 20:01

You're not married to him I guess, he's not your son's father, you've been together with him for just over two years so I don't understand why you can't leave him because of your son. It sounds like he's been a pain for most of that time and your son will witness his controlling behaviour.

In answer to your question - YES.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 04/12/2022 20:04

Get rid of him and get a cat. In fact get two cats.

Watchkeys · 04/12/2022 20:04

Do you really think an amazing dad would make mum feel the way you feel?

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 04/12/2022 20:07

Bedazzled22 · 04/12/2022 19:30

He’s a good dad you say, so why do you disagree re parenting?

He's not a dad. At least not to the OPs son. He's just horrible. I don't see the point.

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