I had a bit of a difficult childhood at times, nothing like some of the stories I see on here but it wasn't great. I've generally made peace with it but there are some things that I can't help but wonder as I've got older - and I'm curious what was, if not 'normal' at the time, not unusual? I'm aware how easy it is to apply modern values/parenting standards. I don't have anyone IRL I can speak to and would appreciate any views from Mumsnetters.
My mum left school (early 60s) at 14 and started working full time. Married at 19 and had a son. I'm not sure exactly when, but maybe early 70s they split up? I didn't know about this relationship or my half brother until I was in my teens. She told me the ex was abusive, that he and his mother conspired to keep custody of the child and that she had no power to challenge them as she had no money, couldn't raise him on her own without a house, and they promised him everything and labelled her as crazy.
She had no contact with him growing up at all as far as I know, despite him living less than ten minutes walk from us (I found out when half brother came to the house threatening her) She told us she was blocked from seeing him.
My parents got together late 70s, divorced mid eighties when I was a toddler. Dad apparently applied for custody but withdrew as my mum made threats to kill herself and implied us as well (this I believe to be true as have heard this from another party who is neutral). Mum and kids allowed to stay in the house with a legal arrangement that it would be sold once the last of us left education. She had very little money (worked part time in low paid jobs eg retail and bar work) so the mortgage must have been covered by the court ordered CMS.
Dad always went through the courts as situation very acrimonious - mum extremely bitter and angry, for the rest of her life really. Dad was only ever awarded 8hrs a week contact (Saturday daytime) despite having his own house, remarried, stable job and no abuse as far as I'm aware.
Mum got a new partner not long after the divorce. He was always mum's boyfriend, not a stepparent, despite him moving in and living with us until he was no longer able - when the house was sold when we turned 18. He drank a lot, had a good job in the trades but always paid in cash and spent most of that in the pub. He paid for a few big ticket items like Xmas presents and holidays but not the day to day - he didnt see that as his role. Don't think my mum saw it either, that was my dad's responsibility in her eyes. He would always talk about my mum being a 'looker' but that if he won the lottery he'd buy her a boob job. Always copies of the sun/star at home with the page 3 girls etc.
My mum never socialised with us children as a choice, and everything was around the local pub. We spent a lot of time sat in pub gardens with a diet coke and packet of crisps to share, while mum and step dad were in the pub. Big events - mums birthdays, new years eve etc - were always adults only, we'd be sent to grandparents.
Mum was so angry that my dad left that we weren't allowed to call him dad in her presence. She wouldn't allow us to speak about his wife at all (who was lovely to us). We weren't allowed to go to the wedding when they got married. My dad kept up the contact but never seemed to try any harder. He once told me as an adult that there was no advice or support back then about what to do.
Two of us struggled with really bad coughs and colds all the way through childhood. I remember being sent out of lessons to sit in the school nurses office because I'd have a rattly smokers-type cough and I'd disrupt the class. Never got taken to the doctors for this - my mum didn't like being told off about smoking and was scared of the doctor. Found out in my thirties that I've got moderate asthma and likely always did.
A few other things, like my parents never going to any parents evenings or really having any contact with school. Going to the dentist by myself. Being left with an older brother to babysit except he'd go out with friends so we didn't eat as didn't know how to cook. Going without lunch at school as no money and teachers knowing about it but no one saying anything. Getting detentions for not having uniform/kit that my mum said we couldn't afford. Being allowed to stay out until whatever time I wanted because mum would go to bed (drunk) by 9pm and not know if I was home or not. Telling me at 13 that I should sleep around if I wanted to be popular and that I'd be weird if I didn't (I know that last part isn't normal!)
.... Sorry that was long! I know some of it was of it's time, but I would be interested in any views. I only had my mum's version growing up and as I distanced myself I realised how bitter her worldview was (not just about my dad, the world in general). I know co parenting and blended families wasn't really a thing back then but I still question her version of events that I grew up with.