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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Affairs are always a product of narcissism and codependency

29 replies

Ruth765 · 04/12/2022 10:55

Ok here is proof that MH’s affair with GC is a pure exercise in narc dynamic. He says: I've always known from novels that people will risk everything. They are ready to blow up their past, their present and their future. They will jeopardise everything they have worked for and everything that is solid and certain.’

Narcs are often embroiled in the thin divide between fantasy and reality and it just shows up his tremendous love for what it is. Fantasy. Oh and body language in his interview had an air of Elizabeth Holmes the weird psychopathic fraudster. Seriously worth an analysis by the experts.

OP posts:
Underanothersky · 05/12/2022 13:45

Ruth765 · 05/12/2022 09:07

I work in the field, therefore can hand on heart say what a narc! His charisma is null. I could see past it. And body language is cringe. 😬

Many narcissists are incredibly charismatic. And many people are just arseholes.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 05/12/2022 13:49

I think people like to believe that people who have affairs are ‘narc’s’ because it’s easier to stomach than the truth; that they just liked someone else more than you.

MH lives rent free in so many people’s heads..

whumpthereitis · 05/12/2022 14:16

DrMarciaFieldstone · 05/12/2022 13:49

I think people like to believe that people who have affairs are ‘narc’s’ because it’s easier to stomach than the truth; that they just liked someone else more than you.

MH lives rent free in so many people’s heads..

if that’s true, and there’s a good chance it is in some cases, it’s arguably ego driven. Bit ironic.

it’s also awkward because it’s suggesting an inevitability in regards to action, aka ‘he did it because he’s a narcissist’, which begs the question, if his actions are caused by a disorder, is he then to blame?

Yes, a cluster B personality is aware of the difference between right and wrong, but cannot comprehend it in the way someone with a normal psychology can. Is it therefore accurate to say someone made a rational decision when they are not in possession of normal faculties? People usually don’t choose to have personality disorders, and genetic predisposition and/or abuse can also be factors in their development. Having a personality disorder is being fundamentally disordered in terms of psychosocial development.

Not sure that’s an argument OP intends to introduce as you could argue it to excuse the unfaithful.

CallmeCath · 05/12/2022 18:37

"Waking his child up at 10 pm to tell him the child he’s leaving equals lack of empathy".

No it does not! Perhaps his hand was forced and he knew the story would be breaking overnight. Perhaps he wanted to tell his own children himself, before it blew up. I would assume his stbexdw was there in the house too at the time and , likely was present when this conversation took place.

"Lying to his wife and family equals lack of morality".

People lie all the time, little white lies, big black ones! It is not a lack of morality. Have you never lied or made a convenient "excuse"
in your whole life ? Well done for be so perfect then if you have not. I lied to my Mum in 1999 when i was 19. A big black lie. I lied because my mum was very religious. I lied as i made a massive decision for myself at that time, a decision that was right for me and turned out to be so. I also lied to myself for 15 yrs trying to be happy in a marriage where i was miserable, bored, treated like a skivvy and crap sex . So when i repeatedly, over 2 yrs , spoke to my ex husband about my misery in an effort to salvage and; he did nothing, yes i had an affair and he finally agreed to divorce. Am i a narc, no i am not. What I am is human and flawed and not willing to waste anymore of my precious life time.

MH had an affair, it happens. People fall in and out of love and it is not 1953. Relationships and current situations can make people act. As i recall we thought we were all going to likely die at that time in a plague like scenario. Many of us reevaluated our lives. Some of us, me included adhered to all advice and instruction to the letter. Do i feel bitter he did not? No. Yes, he was health minister, yes, he should have held himself to higher standards but, he is human and he did not. Am i going to spend the rest of my life being bitter about it and berating him? No!

MH now partner also cheated on her husband as i recall , is she a narc then too? No mention of her in your post. You say narc, i say brave. Sometimes people who make choices for themselves, based on where they are in their life at that time are, often viewed as narcs. I would replace the word narc with brave and then situations take on a whole new meaning. We were not in his marriage, we have no idea, we were not there when he spoke to his children, we have no idea. We were not there when he was privy to pandemic information that may have shaped his world view at that time. We weren't there! Yes, he should have held higher standards, he didn't. A tale as old as time. Fgs move on.

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