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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How do you not get divorced if you don't have a dishwasher?

48 replies

Chamomileteaplease · 03/12/2022 20:25

A bit extreme but I am interested in how not to fall out with my family.

We are moving to a new house which has no room for a dishwasher. I don't even have a partner but I have three teenagers who I do not want to have fights with😎.

Here we have a rota and it works very well.

However, without a dishwasher, surely the washing up piles up hugely? With 3 or 4 people in the house?

Sounds daft but please tell me how you tackle it? Do you have a schedule😃? Do you have to wash up three times a day to keep on top of it?

I have put this in Relationships because as I said above, I really don't want to suddenly have world war 3 in the house about this and equally I do not want to be the one doing it all.

OP posts:
category12 · 03/12/2022 20:29

You do it as you go, rather than let it build up. If you have a rule to keep the sink clear, then when people bring their cups or plates, they can just wash it then and there, rather than leaving them.

Have a rota for washing up and drying up after the main meal.

medicatedgift · 03/12/2022 20:30

I used to have two draining racks - one on the draining board and one on the other side of the sink on a plastic tray thing that came from ikea and let the water drain into the sink. We had a rota for washing up and i let it dry on the racks and just put it away when it was dry.

medicatedgift · 03/12/2022 20:32

We would do cups and small snack plates etc when the sink was full - me and two teens and one 20 something at the time.

Can you get a countertop dishwasher if you think you'll divorce your kids over it.

Chasingsquirrels · 03/12/2022 20:34

Presumably you aren't all in the house all day every day, so it wouldn't be 3 times a day.

Breakfast stuff - depends on who is eating, how quickly everyone is leaving the house etc.
Just cereal bowls, everyone can rinse their own.

Evening meal, depends who cooks.
Suggest 1 washes, 1 dries and puts away. Then share those out equally.

Lunches just at weekends? Depends how involved, just a sandwich on a plate, again rinse your own. Full meal all together, include in the wash/dry rota.

Or if 1 is happy to wash and another to dry and another to vacuum, or put the bins out, or clean the bathroom, or whatever, then share out that way.

tickticksnooze · 03/12/2022 20:35

You can get countertop dishwashers.

ByTheGrace · 03/12/2022 20:36

My parents got me to do it, I'm embarrassed to say I did it with really bad grace. When I left home, they had a dishwasher within the week! Me and DH have never been without (apart from 6 dire weeks over lockdown, waiting for a new one). We even only had room for a tabletop one in a previous house, it was still better than nothing.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 03/12/2022 20:36

Our dishwasher is broken and we've not replaced it as I want a new kitchen.

It's been about two years now, though 🤣

Honestly, it's not something that ever gets discussed. It's just a job that needs to get done so gets done.

Years ago, in our old house, we'd take a week each of kitchen duty. So one person cooked and washed up all week so the other person could relax all evening, the next week we swapped. It worked well.

Original poster
Chamomileteaplease · 03/12/2022 20:43

Thank you everyone for answering me seriously. I thought I might get shouted at for being ridiculous.

I am going to go back and read through all the suggestions carefully.

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 03/12/2022 20:46

At home we did it..one clear off, one wash, one dry. We didn't always do it happily but it was always left to us so we did it grudgingly. But that was fine. My dps ignored us arguing among ourselves as they knew they weren't doing it.
Make sure to have lots of nice dry tea cloths so no excuse for not drying. Write up a rota if have to. Could leave them on one job for a week to save discussion every day. My dad did them at weekends so maybe you could give a day off eg. On Sundays.

Oncewassmith · 03/12/2022 20:53

Get a counter top dishwasher, we have one and its pretty cheap to run, and stops any arguments about who's turn it is

Mangolist · 03/12/2022 20:57

How bizarre! We've never had one! Had three children who have grown up without one, now 2 young adults left and it never crosses my mind. Sometimes it gets annoying but as said, do it as you go.

ShowOfHands · 03/12/2022 21:01

I wash up as I'm cooking so that all pans are done in an evening and if I don't fancy washing up again, the plates and cutlery are simply done after breakfast the following day.

Stay on top of it and it takes a few minutes twice a day.

4 of us here and no arguments. I quite like washing up even. I listen to the radio or a podcast and watch the bird feeder while I'm doing it.

Matilda1981 · 03/12/2022 21:02

Ours broke last December and I haven’t got a new one - I actually like washing up as every evening everything is washed and put away whereas when we had a dishwasher there was always stuff left out that didn’t fit!! We are a family of 6 and my kids get pocket money for drying and putting away (I have 4 under 10), after dinner we all do a big kitchen tidy up so whoever isn’t drying clears table, takes bins out if needed, puts toys back in the playroom etc. I appreciate it’s probably easier to get kids to dry up than teenagers but the principle of everyone pulling their weight to make things easier stands!

Matilda1981 · 03/12/2022 21:03

Oh I do have 2 massive Belfast sinks tho so they can hold a days worth of washing up so only do it ones a day!

Rebecca34 · 03/12/2022 21:10

My parents have a cupboard on top of the sink which is also a draining rack. I think Ikea sells them. (kitchen is from Ikea). So as you wash, you put it away in the cupboard.

This eliminates need to dry and doesn't really take up more space since you need a cupboard to store yuor plates, bowl and mugs anyway.

Rebecca34 · 03/12/2022 21:13

Also, if you find it really difficult you can prob make room for a dishwasher by taking away a cupboard? Unless it is really really tiny!

FourChimneys · 03/12/2022 21:21

Married for well over 30 years here. No dishwasher, two children who are now adults and live elsewhere. It never crossed my mind that it was a problem. Either DH or I would do it, then as they grew up the DC would do it too. They still will when visiting, as will their partners. No rota, no rules, just the expectation that people do what's needed.

See also laundry, ironing, emptying bins, hoovering.

Managinggenzoclock · 03/12/2022 21:23

We bought a counter top dishwasher and ran it after each meal!

Merlott · 03/12/2022 21:28

I joke that the dishwasher is the 3rd party in our marriage.. it's not a joke..!!!!

I ripped out the kitchen drawers and put in a slimline dishwasher. It is AMAZING.

I got some plumbing pieces from Screwfix to split the cold water feed, and again for the waste pipe.

Jigsaw to cut through the drawer unit and cut away the plinth etc to make space.

1 piece of plywood cut to size (end cupboard so needed to prop up the counter) and a few brackets to attach.

Took less than 1 day and cost under £200 just a lot of planning and measuring!

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 03/12/2022 21:36

Part of mealtimes is the washing up afterwards. I fill the washing bowl with soapy water just before sitting down to eat then all the crockery and cutlery can go straight in to soak as its used. By the time the meal is eaten and I've finished my cup of tea it only takes 10 minutes to deal with. If I have any heavily soiled pots or baking trays they can be soaked prior to starting the meal. I honestly don't understand why people have dishwashers, I have given them a try in holiday cottages we have rented but by the time I have faffed around rinsing plates etc and carefully stacking it all in I could have easily completed the job.

Vicliz24 · 03/12/2022 21:46

I've never had a dishwasher and can't understand why they're considered essential. Just wash up as you go through the day .

Aquamarine1029 · 03/12/2022 21:51

Trust me on this... Dishes are washed directly after every meal. Don't get in the habit of letting dishes pile up. It's just gross and depressing. Tell your kids the dishes are their responsibility, and you expect to not have to remind them to do it.

Original poster
Chamomileteaplease · 03/12/2022 22:59

Thank you everyone, some good tips.

As I mentioned, we do have a great rota system at the moment and they are all used to pitching in but a part of that is the dishwasher which does take away a lot of the mess.

I don't really mind washing up either, as you say, it's only 5-10 minutes but I really don't want to end up being the only one who does it.

I shall read all your responses again and have a family meeting to make a plan we can all agree to. And peace shall reign. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chamomileteaplease · 03/12/2022 23:03

oh and @Merlott that is brilliant 😄 but way beyond my capabilities!

OP posts:
PumpkinLumpkin · 03/12/2022 23:10

This is so funny! I've never thought about it. We don't have a dishwasher. I cook every meal (unless he's seeing to his own dinner or I'm not there and he's cooking for himself and our son) and he washes up all the dishes.

I feel like the winner in this scenario because I bloody hate washing dishes. I rarely even wash so much as a spoon. He washes up after breakfast, lunch and dinner and if I fling anything in the sink as I go about my day I see later that it's been magically washed up. I would always rather do the cooking.

On days where I don't cook, he still does all the washing up. Bliss. No need for a dishwasher.