Told DH to f-off in front of kids

[Thatsnotmyidentity]

Who am I? This is not me or who I want to be!

Minor irritation/ disagreement over how to do something and I flipped, he told me to leave the room and I stormed off saying fuck off as I went. Burst into tears and sat in another room.

So wrong. But bloody hell I'm so irritated. Kids bickering or being annoying on purpose, rejecting meals because they are 'disgusting', ill toddler whining constantly and then DH questioning everything.

I'm on hrt. Know I should take more time for myself but don't see how I can with three kids and both adults working full time.

I just hate that they all drive me mad. I hate that I can't stay calm and patient. I hate that I can't express my needs (for peace and down time and time alone) with DH (because how can I have those things, really). I hate that I am just a shit person and a shit wife and a shit mum who can't emotionally regulate even in front of the kids.

And fuck, if anyone in real life knew I was like this I'd be so ashamed. I am so ashamed that my kids see me like this.

You're doing a great job, sounds like a really tough time. You're only human. Can you get away at all? Over night preferably? You really need a break, would your husband support this? X

Do you have access to any form of counselling support, for example through an Employee Assistance Programme?

Whilst it is understandable that if you are in perimenopause and on hrt (assuming that that is why you are on hrt, apologies if it is for another reason) it may be more difficult to manage your emotions, you know it isn't okay to continue having these outbursts without seeking to get some help to manage them.

Have you had chance to talk about this with your husband?

You're beating yourself up way too much, sounds very much like family in most households! Please don't feel like you're shit. Take a breather. Maybe losing your rag will show the family that you're not going to put up with their bickering etc. just don't stress over your behaviour, they should be looking at their own!

Could there be something else going on? Is it new?

You know you aren’t feeling right, I’d apologise and see a GP. Menopause is a bitch!

I really feel for you. I can identify with a bunch of that, but particularly with the exhaustion and worry of perma-ill babies and meal rejection. Some stuff just gets you right under the ribs.

It is a distinctly male coping strategy to try and 'project manage' an out of control life back into shape. If you're the person who gets on and DOES the everyone's a critic bit is absolutely maddening.

Stop thinking you're a shit mum when you clearly aren't, talk to your husband about him stropping off first and explain how it feels when you are bare knuckle surviving and just need to get through the next five minutes and being treated like you'll get a 3/5 Could Do Better on your annual appraisal.

Sorry, just noticed he didn't strop off but ordered you out. I know that isn't worse but in context can imagine it would absolutely feel it.

I've had CBT in the past. Just need to get better at using it.
Hrt is for peri... Still adjusting the levels.

I don't want my children's childhood marred by the fact I'm knackered and overwhelmed.

Had a night away fairly recently, but it's not helped the day to day. There's no escape from it all, not really, and I feel so shit for wanting to escape. I should be happy and content with all I have and instead I'm a mardy bitch.

You're not a shut person/wife/mum

you sound justifiably knackered & fed up!!

how old are your children?

tell DH NEVER to tell you to leave a room in your house ever again.

You both work full time, but why can't he look after the kids at some time over a weekend so you can have some time to yourself or bath/bed be home week day evenings do you can have time to yourself?

@JennyForeigner no I'm definitely the stropee. If I have a rush of fury or frustration I don't know what to do with it so often end up exploding then leaving the room

@SkylightSkylight kids are 9, 7, 2.

And it's full on when we share the load and he's knackered too, although potentially less overwhelmed than me.

So, I dont think this will be the popular view, but sometimes it is ok for your kids to see that you get angry. Especially if they see you can get over it, apologise, etc.

@SkylightSkylight I don't think that getting OP to start telling her DH what he can and can't do while she is raging at him and the kids is a good idea to be honest.

If someone was shouting and swearing at me I would feel totally justified in asking them to leave to room as I suspect so would you be.

OP - you aren't a shit mum or a shit wife but you are struggling and you need some support. You've said you've had this in the past and it seems to have been helpful. Are there things you can do to try and act as you feel yourself getting angry, you mentioned CBT?

As for any real underlying issues with your DH and kids you can only deal with those when you are calm and I suspect that focussing on coping with adjusting to your changes in hrt is the priority at the moment.

You're very very tired, and at the end of your tether, with no opportunity to recharge. It's not your fault, anyone would be the same in that situation. You're right, it's not who "you" are. This is you crying out for help, don't be cross with yourself x

My best friend is a remarkably intelligent and level-headed scientist who manages one of the biggest departments in her field without turning a hair.

Recently she had to stop the pill for a health investigation. Within days she had exploded at work, was in tears, felt she couldn't cope any more and had no idea what had made her so simmeringly uncontrollably angry. It took her a few days to put the pieces together.

If you're experiencing that kind of frustration regularly you might want to consider a private GP for your hormone work-up. And I say that as someone who felt absolutely bloody horrible for how I shouted at my three year old for how he tripped and hurt our toddler yesterday. Even if it helps a bit in one of several alarm centres constantly going off at you, it 's a start.

Thank you for your understanding responses.

Hormones and sleep deprivation plus busy lives are not a great mix.. I know that. I struggle to see a way out sometimes. I like the idea of the CBT stuff I was taught but it seems so hard to implement when actually feeling crap - it's like another thing to put on the to do list and fail to do.

@Thatsnotmyidentity

I'm sitting here nodding and crying. Same boat, especially today. I've been an impatient stroppy bitch all day and i dont know why. Life is great but i can't see it. Constantly irritated, short tempered and stroppy. I have no answera sadly but i think a lot of us feel the same way. Kids work, a massive mental physical and emotional load - every day. Its hard. A night away won't help. Its like putting a plaster on a broken leg. It just takes time and acceptance and medication to help if needed 😂

Hugs my love, honestly to god what you are feeling is not a rare thing and you are most definitely not the only one. Xx

Wow - I could have written your post. It's an awful feeling OP. So much to cope with and then we beat ourselves up for having a blip in the coping. Peri is indeed a bitch! I hope your DH is understanding and supportive- mine really wasn't. Big hugs to you