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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dealing with the quiet calm and trauma /grief coming out

8 replies

CornishTiger · 03/12/2022 07:42

I’ve literally spent the last 3 years - especially 18 mths - on fast forward trying to forget all the crap that’s gone on.

Every time I do a long drive or have a period of calm or quiet I can’t handle it. Tears come.

Quite frankly I’m not ready to explore the trauma of some shit that’s happened to me. I’ve spoken to friends. Nothing will change.

And the grief. No I can’t get past that either. It cuts as much as the moment I heard she was - I can’t even say it. I just knew she’d die.

Ive got a stressful busy day at an event I’m organising and I’m not sure how I can do smiley happy today.

OP posts:
Original poster
CornishTiger · 03/12/2022 07:43

The stress and busy normally keeps me ok. Not today.

OP posts:
Stickmansmum · 03/12/2022 07:50

I have a good friend who in the last 3 yrs has suffered horrendous loss of the two closest people in her lives. She keeps busy, never sits still. I don’t know what the answer is but at some point you will hopefully be ready to access some independent counselling. I’m so sorry that you are having to deal with this at all.

Original poster
CornishTiger · 03/12/2022 08:01

Thanks @Stickmansmum I heard recently that keeping busy is a trauma response. It’s so true

I did try two different types of counselling. The grief one was seriously awful. And prob too soon. However you are right. Time to consider it again

OP posts:
lifeinthehills · 03/12/2022 08:10

I get this. I found that as soon as I got away from the family the tears would come and it would all well up. They kept me busy and distracted otherwise. I did find my way through it but it still happens on occasion. It's not unusual, I think.

Original poster
CornishTiger · 04/12/2022 08:13

Thank you all. I got through yesterday and kept busy.

Sorry to hear others have had similar experiences.

OP posts:
Angela59 · 04/12/2022 08:22

Even there
Good times will come
&
im now better off x

if hugs xxx

Original poster
CornishTiger · 04/12/2022 21:46

Thanks @Angela59

OP posts:
Mischance · 04/12/2022 21:51

You are so right - it is the quiet moments that catch you out; and keeping frantically busy is a normal reaction. I hope there will come a time when you can be at peace.

I really did find CRUSE an absolute godsend. Not intensive counselling, which I did not feel ready for, but a listening and understanding kindly ear for me. They were such a blessing. www.cruse.org.uk/

Sending a hand hold.

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