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Original poster

Wedding photos up of your husband's former wife

15 replies

Singercakelady · 03/12/2022 05:25

My husband is amazing and the loveliest person I have ever met , before he met me he was a widower and his wife passed away 3 and a half years ago ,We live in his home and got married 6 months ago .He has no photos up of his late wife, just afew photos of our wedding day and holiday photos of us . His parents have pictures of his late wife around their home,which is lovely to remember her which is nice of them.When I visited them last week I noticed they still had their big wedding photo up on the wall of him and his late wife.I know it's silly but it upsets me now I am his wife now and there is no photo of us on our wedding day.I am being silly to be affected by this when I go round.I just feel now I am his wife and she's not anymore it's abit upsetting to me .His parents are amazing lovely people I love them to bits but I have feelings too .I would never ever say anything about this but it makes me a little bit sad every time I visit their home.I would love to hear your views X

OP posts:
kiwiiem · 03/12/2022 05:28

Have you thought about giving them a present of the photo of your wedding day in a nice frame and seeing what happens? That’s what I think will cause the least upset, honestly.

I think the goal would be to have them both up on display instead of taking the other down. I understand it’s upsetting but it’s probably got sentimental value to them and brings them comfort that she’s still on display, even though I understand it’s obviously not nice for you.

Trez1510 · 03/12/2022 05:29

Do they actually have pictures of you and your husband to display?

Did your husband and his previous wife have children who still visit their grandparents?

Guakamolly · 03/12/2022 05:30

I don't think you have anything to worry about, she's dead. If they had children it's even more important to have her memory kept alive.
I see it as sweet and reassuring that if I die they will remember me and keep my memory like they do her.
If you give them your wedding photo don't expect that the first wife's photos will go away I think they will just add them.
This is part and parcel of marrying a widowed person!

lifeinthehills · 03/12/2022 05:40

Give them a portrait of you? I don't think it's realistic to expect them to not keep her memory alive. They had a relationship with her and loved her. If there were children of that marriage, it's good for the children to see their mother not being hidden and being remembered. It sounds like they've fully embraced you as part of the family, so I'm sure it's not intended to hurt you. It's got to be tough at times to marry someone in later life, when we've all got a past.

Quiegal · 03/12/2022 06:16

Singercakelady · 03/12/2022 05:25

My husband is amazing and the loveliest person I have ever met , before he met me he was a widower and his wife passed away 3 and a half years ago ,We live in his home and got married 6 months ago .He has no photos up of his late wife, just afew photos of our wedding day and holiday photos of us . His parents have pictures of his late wife around their home,which is lovely to remember her which is nice of them.When I visited them last week I noticed they still had their big wedding photo up on the wall of him and his late wife.I know it's silly but it upsets me now I am his wife now and there is no photo of us on our wedding day.I am being silly to be affected by this when I go round.I just feel now I am his wife and she's not anymore it's abit upsetting to me .His parents are amazing lovely people I love them to bits but I have feelings too .I would never ever say anything about this but it makes me a little bit sad every time I visit their home.I would love to hear your views X

You DH parents obviously thought so much of his late. I don't think you can expect them to take it down. At first seeing your post thought your DH has photos up and for me wouldn't expect him to take them down either.

I just think you can give them a photo of your wedding but they might feel not happy to put it up. Now if they wanted a photo of you and his wedding day sure they would have asked.

At the moment please just let this go. I mean before Christmas your upsetting yourself and maybe for them it's a difficult time of the year coming where they are remember her. Miss her and it's nothing against you but she obviously wasa big part of his life.

Like I said if your husband had a photo

Quiegal · 03/12/2022 06:20

@Singercakelady

If you DH had a photo up which you can't expect him not too.

It's hard meeting someone who been married and lost a wife.

I don't know how I feel but probably feel bad for him the family.

Tbh pushing your wedding photo on them could make them think your trying have his previous wedding photo replace they might feel a type of way.

Please just forget this for now enjoy your husband. Don't say nothing.

Teadrinkingmumofone · 03/12/2022 06:47

Give them one of your wedding photos for Christmas.
I wouldn't expect them to take the others down, his late wife was an important part of their life and would assume they were part of their wedding day

rwalker · 03/12/2022 06:54

Keep this to your self it’s not out with the old and in with the new
they all lost someone close to them and a part of there family
if I were them and you brought this up with me I don’t think I’d ever look at you the same again

BrewandBiscuit · 03/12/2022 06:55

my partner is a widower so I completely understand. I wouldn’t worry at all. Enjoy your relationship

tinselterra · 03/12/2022 11:04

The photo might be particularly meaningful to them - don't forget that it's their son in the photo. They probably don't see it in the same way that you do. Perhaps that's a special memory for them, or they like looking at their son looking smart on his wedding day. Let it go.

Luredbyapomegranate · 03/12/2022 11:25

This will happen in stages so be patient

The first thing is give them one of your wedding photos for Christmas, framed.. presumably they were there? So they’ve got something to put up.

I can see why a big dominant wedding photo isn’t what you want, but give it a bit of time, in 18 months or so if it’s still there you could get your DP to suggest it goes somewhere less prominent.

I assume there aren’t children as you don’t mention that, but even so, it’s a big change.

Joyfuljolly · 03/12/2022 11:26

Did you give them a photo to display?

notdaddycool · 03/12/2022 11:27

I came to say give them a nice framed one for Christmas, it looks like everyone else is saying the same thing!

DarkKarmaIlama · 03/12/2022 11:46

Does your partner have children?

I would just accept it to be honest. She was part of their family.

Imdoingitnext · 03/12/2022 12:02

It's hard. I'm also a widow married to a widower and my attitude is that it's part of his life and his parents life and you can't change the past - just keep building new memories and experiences.

I do get upset by things but I remind myself that it's part of who my DH is and helped make him the person he is. PIL probably aren't intending to hurt you and aren’t thinking and I'd give them a photo of you both on your wedding day

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