Mind games

[kaym26]

Hi all, so I'm new here. I was just wondering if anyone could give me some wise advice as it's much needed right now.

So me and my ex have 2 children together. We've been on and off for many years, but mainly due to his party boy lifestyle and me getting left to raise our children, understandably it's caused some issues.

But anyway to cut a long story short he asked around a month ago if he could come back for Christmas to spend time with the Children, I agreed and all was fine. We were even talking about going on a holiday together and booking it in January. The kids were happy, everyone seemed happy.

Then on Sunday he randomly called me up drunk to say would I cause problems for him if he moves on, I was sort of shocked at the time so said no. He said he's speaking to someone and we should only speak about the children. He kept sayinh he doesn't want to upset me. After I put the phone down I fell upset and hurt, more hurt at the fact he'd come back and was acting normal and then drops the bombshell on me.

We were going back and fourth with messages and then on Monday he text me in the morning saying he was pulling my leg and I can't take a joke. He's still been acting wierd over messages and I find he's being too nice which is strange for him.

He's now saying he left because he didn't trust me, then he said were not compatible etc. He's literally moved the goal post too many times. I feel like he's messing with my mind. I know he's not being straight up and I feel like I can't rest until I know the truth. I need closure!

I'm thinking he's seen how upset I was so decided to retract what he said. Before he even told me on Sunday, I had a feeling something was my right as he stopped calling me in the day at work and when I did speak I sensed something wasn't right in his voice. I'm so so confused and just need some really honest opinions and hopefully by people who have been through similar experiences.

He's never going to change sweetheart. My recent ex is also a party boy who's hooked on booze and class A drugs, and I don't think he even wants to get better.

You are well rid.

Affairs

Sounds like he’s seeing someone who doesn’t want him to talk to you. But he got cold feet and wants to keep his options open with you so he retracted.

Square your shoulders and know that you are better than this man and that you deserve more.

Thanks alot guys. My gut feeling is he is lying and there is someone else. He's just keeping me there for safety incase it doesn't work out. He withdrew what he said because he wasn't expecting my reaction to be how it's been. He's obviously trying to spare my feelings too maybe! I didn't think I'd feel this way, but I do. I'm struggling to sleep and eat.

Don't go back to him and just focus on being good parents. Nothing good will come out of going back together, there is no fairy tale ending and he won't change.

@kaym26

I think you should end it and say you know something up with another woman or something.

Just tell him I am fed up with all this we are finished.

You can sort something out with the children with Christmas day.

I know it's rubbish because Christmas but just don't keep letting him when he feels like it. Make this your new year and start.

No more letting him back and you will move on. Just remember enough is enough and if you dealt with this a long time how long will this carry on for. This time it over and his minds games stop.

You're all right. He just uses me as the safe option. I've suggested we do every other weekend and just stick to that and focus solely on the children. Maybe if he'd just be honest then it would be easier to accept. Men can honestly be so cruel and dismissive sometimes. And I know I need to really put my foot down this time. Men only treat us how we allow them to.

Hes been allowed to have his foot half way in and half way out the door and he likes it that way is my assessment. Has he been occasionally staying over and/or sleeping with you while seperated? Does he parent the kids at your house and not separately at his? Do not do allow that. He will keep you in this pattern for years if you do. Seperate, is seperate. Contact schedule. Children at each parents house. No sleeping together. If he wants to be with you, he has to make effort, prove it before he gets anywhere near you.

No we haven't had any physically intimacy. He more or less invited himself back for Xmas then up and left for lots of various reasons apparently! He has his own house, he told me it will be ready soon but then he's told my mum he doesn't have anywhere to take the children! It's all very confusing. I think he tells that many lies, he forgets what he's saying! I have scheduled some contact for the children and expect him to follow through with that. I think he likes the idea of me being trapped with his children so he can live a free life coming and going as he pleases. I'm tired now and enough is enough.

What’s the point of being with a ‘party boy’? Terrible partners and terrible fathers, so you’re much better off without him. He’s enjoying keeping you dangling. He’s not a good role model for your dc.

Well done for realising this man is a loser and that you are worth far better than him. He will always be in your life because of the children, but make sure he stays on the sidelines where you, personally, are concerned. He will mess you around for years if you let him.

Write yourself a list of positive affirmations and read one out every day. Don't let him manipulate you. Feel sorry for the next woman he hooks up with and look forward to your own future with a man who isn't a massive twat.