How much of this is my problem? Am I upright?

[Fluffybuns]

Out with a mixed groups of friends and towards the end of the evening one of the men proposes a threesome and the other man suggests I'm uptight for finding that sleazy. I have a history that might shape my reaction to that. But essentially it makes me feel very different about hanging out with them. Ruined the evening for me. Am I overreacting?

No, I don’t think I could even suggest that in jest, to then judge people on that is nasty.

Uch. That is a college student joke at best. Gives me the creeps

Yuck!! Couldn't do and worst with friends ! That would change the dynamics of the friendly circle !

that's just waaay outta line!!

I agree.

Thanks for the reality check. I feel less like it's me being weird.

You're not weird to have any of your feelings. All your feelings are valid. All of them, all the time. You don;t need 100 people to tell you it's ok to feel what you feel.

I don't think you are being weird for not wanting a threesome. I also don't think that people who do want one are sleazy (context might change my opinion there). I'm not up for a threesome, but I'm in a monogamous relationship and don't think I'd have the energy tbh.

It's sleazy. But was he doing a sleazy joke or being seriously sleazy? There's a difference, you could laugh off the saddo joke, but if serious then it's more creepy.

You're not overreacting, the pair of them are sleazy as fuck, and I would not be in their company again without a taser in my handbag.

No you're not uptight.

Some people have a very strange idea of what is and is not appropriate conversation, don't they?

What they said.

It's vile and repulsive tbh and I saw a thing on tiktok when someone says something ick you say to them "sorry I didn't hear what you said. Can you repeat it?" And apparently that works. Vile behaviour and the opposite of funny

My brother's girlfriend is younger than me by 20 odd years and she said something really smart the other night.

She said because of OLD, people are really upfront about their kinks. Which in an OLD setting is totally fine - you probably do want to know that a person is into this or that before deciding to invest time into them.

But that has now bled into every aspect of our social lives, so you now get Kevin from accounts telling you he's into golden showers or (as happened to me a few weeks ago which prompted the convo) randos shouting over a bar about how they're into threesomes and it's not a good night unless your arse is bleeding.

It's tiresome and borderline coercive.

Next time either try the 'could you repeat that?' trick at least four times. Or simply tell them 'you don't have my consent to involve me in your kink.'

Sleazy fuckers. Hope you're ok. Oh, and they're not your friends.

I'd have been tempted to say 'only three, nah, can't be bothered, night boys'

Those men can go in the fucking bin.

It's a sad indictment of society when a young woman considers herself uptight or somehow in the wrong because she refused to have a threesome with 2 men neither of whom she is in a relationship with.

These men are not your friends.

Cut them off

Ugh! Trust your instincts. They are absolutely sound. Uptight is one of those horribly misogynistic words that's only used towards women to control their behaviour. Like hysterical, slut, bitch, uppity, frigid, stroppy, nag etc. which are almost exclusively used by men towards women to shame them into behaving in a way that suits men.

We've just got to push back every time we feel shamed by a man for something that would be acceptable if a man did it. If a man said no to a threesome, he's just being assertive, choosy etc., if a woman does, she's frigid, uptight, boring, lame. Don't fall for it.

Have read all the replies. I'm not young but it reminded me of behaviour from my social circle when I was - which was pretty grim. Its not what I expect in an adult friendship group. Definitely not for me.

Who the hell do they think they are - Peter Stringfellow?

Not uptight, just repulsed by the thought

I hope I would've replied with 'nope, I just REALLY don't fancy either of you'
As a pp said, asking someone for any kind of casual scenario in a friendship group like that is sleazy, and trying to shame you? Nope, wouldn't waste my time with them.