Probably not compatible long term but I enjoy our time together?

[Trotty4]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months. He’s a good guy and we have some lovely times together.
there are a few things that have came up that have made me realise that long term we just probably aren’t the right fit, things like attitudes around alcohol/drugs, views on parenting (I have young children he hasn’t met yet), differences in how we keep a home etc.
we are mid 30s and both hope to settle down with a partner. I just don’t think it’s going to be him for me. He probably does think so and in a way I feel like because I’m settled, have a family, good job etc I’m very much what he was looking for. Not sure if I should just keep it going as it is but not move forward with him meeting the kids, meeting my extended family etc.it’s confusing because I do love him and the feelings are really there.
my precious boyfriend was the opposite- he was everything I wanted in paper but the feelings just weren’t there for me.
im very confused

When you say different attitudes about drink and drugs, are you saying he's a drug-user and big drinker?

Because if so, you obviously can't have that around your kids.

I don't think it's fair to keep him hanging on thinking it's going somewhere if you know it's not.

Previous bigtime party drug user, hasn’t used in a number of years. Does drink (more than me but just socially).
I do say these things to him that I feel we have had very different life experiences and lived very different lifestyles and he says that the type of life I have is what he wants. But then things come up that make me think we are just too different

If you want to settle down why would you waste his and your time on something going nowhere?

Some single parents have a FWB arrangement just make sure he knows where you stand.

I wouldn't get involved with someone who has different attitude to drugs and alcohol particularly if I had children.

Love is not enough. I'd rather have someone solid that is kind and reliable but a bit boring than exciting butterflies and orgasmic sex but can't be trusted around drink and drugs.

He wants to attach to your lovely sensible life, he wants to roleplay in it and trial it out and maybe if he ever wants children he will find a younger woman to set up real home with. This guy sounds a loser.
Future cocklodger possibly?

This is bonkers. You're judging your future with him based on his past.

I was a party girl and would often spend 2 days drinking, partying and taking drugs (with no sleep).

I'm 36 now and those days are well behind me -
I'm settled down with a family, and at most I have a glass of wine on the weekend.

Also, DH 'drinks more than me' but that's hardly a deal breaker unless you DP has an issue with alcohol?

I have a glass of wine on the weekend, DH has a couple of glasses every evening. What's the issue? We are blissfully happy.

Your reasons for not being compatible sound a bit odd, you can't base it around the fact that years ago he dabbled in drugs etc. it's who he is now that counts.

My ex was a great guy but I always knew that for me it wasn't a forever thing but that was based on current lifestyles like him going to bed late, getting up late, not having common interests etc.

To me it sounds like there is something missing for you and if that's the case and you really don't see a future then rather that let it drag on for years you just need to end it so you can both move on and find someone more suitable.

It is current things too- different social interests, different levels of cleanliness, different views on parenting and how we would raise a family. The drugs is only a few years ago

Those are quite fundamental differences then. Best end it and move on rather than waste your time

Cut him loose.

Previous bigtime party drug user,

Once a druggie always a druggie. Just not worth the risk bringing him in your kid's lives. He sounds like possibly a terrible influence.

A couple of glasses of alcohol every single evening is not a healthy relationship with alcohol, no. It's problematic.

Waaaay too many sources of friction. You'd be miserable. Your kids would probably be miserable if you allow him to interfere with parenting.

Is it really worth the risk?