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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why did he suddenly ghost me?

13 replies

Elliebb57 · 02/12/2022 15:24

Back story: We reconnected again in 2011 after being apart for 16 years as he married and i moved on too, he split up with his wife he did lie that they divorced in 2015 but since found out it was only last year and they are still very close. He moved in with me when he left her ,all was good for about a year, when i found out he was messing around with a younger woman, that didnt work so we got back together but i couldnt let it go and it caused a lot of problems and we were never really the same after that, he also has a problem with drink but that hasnt affected the relationship, we've always had a connection and got on really well as friends as we have a lot of history, but we dont work as a couple anymore, so we decided to see each other as friends with benefits , hes also accused me of ripping clothes of his or taking something from his pocket and wont back down, he truly believes iv done these things which i havent, im sure hes narcissitic, up until 3 weeks ago we were fine or so i thought ,talking as usual everyday ,usually 3 times, coming over to see me, then all communication just stopped, no arguments or anything i can think of, i did for the 1st week to try and ask him via messages whats gone wrong ,but no response, so iv not done anything for 2 weeks ,but it really is playing on my mind, as anyone had this done to them..?

OP posts:
Cigarettesaftersex1 · 02/12/2022 15:27

Sounds like a blessing in disguise to me

ShirleyPhallus · 02/12/2022 15:27

He’s done you a favour, he sounds like a grade A prick for many reasons. Block him back and take the opportunity to move on to better things

Velvetbee · 02/12/2022 15:34

Heave a sigh of relief, keep busy and get on with your life. When he tries to reel you in again, run like the wind.

minticecreamisjustok · 02/12/2022 15:34

He knows you'll always go back to him, he ghosts you unaware it will be final, you can make the choice to never reconnect again, he really doesn't deserve it.

KettrickenSmiled · 02/12/2022 16:05

So you had a fling over a decade ago, that finished, he got married, he lied about being divorced, you decided that didn't matter enough to prevent you from cohabiting, he then cheated on you, you decided that didn't matter enough to finish with him, he felt otherwise & downgraded you to FWB, you decided that didn;t matter enough to dump him, he has a drink problem, he invents accusations & lies about you, & you decide he's STILL a keeper, & let him come round to your place 3 times a week.

But you have no questions to ask about any of that?
And you didn't see this ghosting coming?

FFS take a break from dating.
Your boundaries are fucked.
Don't get involved with any men until you have done The Freedom Programme & read your Lundy Bancroft.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

SnoozyLucy7 · 02/12/2022 16:14

Did you really think that you would have a happy future with him after he has treated you like shit over more than 10 years??

Respectfully, you need to speak to some one, like a counsellor, to figure out why you have accepted this terrible behaviour all these years. Being ghosted by him is the ultimate blessing.

No doubt he will contact you again. If he does, please love your self enough to tell him to fuck off for ever! You deserve happiness, but he will ruin your life if you let him back in.

Jewel7 · 02/12/2022 16:27

The alcohol issue is probably why he behaves the way he has. Where is his respect for you. Why have you let him treat you this way? I think you need to walk away if you read your post back and it was your best friend what would you say?

DropOfffArtiste · 02/12/2022 16:29

Question is really, why didn't you ghost him 10+ years ago?

Pinkbonbon · 02/12/2022 16:35

DropOfffArtiste · 02/12/2022 16:29

Question is really, why didn't you ghost him 10+ years ago?

Exactly this.
Why didn't you ghost him (and block him, and lock your bloody door).

Wheres your self respect?

He's done you a favour. Dont let him come back into your life .

cinnamonpearl · 02/12/2022 16:49

Why is your bar so ridiculously low??

Watchkeys · 02/12/2022 16:54

You know he can completely fabricate new 'facts' out of nothing, but you're still trying to work out a logical reason for why this went wrong.

Perhaps he's upset because of that dragon you took round to his house last week? Or you stole his unicorn? Or when you burned his mansion down and peed in the pool?

He makes stuff up. Why would he need a 'real' reason to do anything? How do you possibly think you could guess the extents of his imagination?

Goawayangryman · 02/12/2022 19:08

You suspect he is a narcissist. There's your answer. He is doing the classic narc thing of trampling any boundaries you may once have had, cutting you off to throw you off balance, and then inevitably (they ALWAYS do) will come the hoover attempt.

These sorts of men will destroy you. What a lucky escape you've had.

Don't go chasing answers or closure. All that will do is feed his insatiable ego and make you feel even worse.

Elliebb57 · 09/12/2022 13:31

Wow this hit hard, but you're right iv let him get away with so much, but never again , its been almost 4 weeks since we spoke and its staying that way.

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