Don’t know if my boyfriend fancies me

[KatherineClifton7]

Relatively new relationship of 3 months. He always says I’m beautiful / pretty which is lovely. I think I’m racially attractive. I have an ok body, not fat or thin, but it’s below averages probably. I told him I really fancied him and he replied “I fancy you too” - no really. Can’t help but feel he thinks I’m nice facially but doesn’t like my body? We have sex whenever we see each other (so maybe twice a week) which is enjoyable but I’m paranoid he doesn’t find me sexually attractive

So he says it and he does it but thats still not enough? what do you want him to do, take out an advert in the paper? constantly asking him this over and over again is going to get on his nerves. it would certainly get on mine. you are the one with the insecurities about how you look and this is something that you need to work on for yourself.

It sounds like you are insecure about your body and projecting those feelings on him.

Has he actually said or done anything specifically that would lead you to believe that he doesn't like your body?

I'm asking as a guy, by the way.

No he hasn’t. Yes I think I’m insecure but I do try and not ask for reassurance constantly etc. I don’t think he knows I’m insecure.

I don't think I've ever analysed whatever level of attractiveness I might have in the detail you describe. It doesn't sound healthy at all and quite obsessive,. There could be other issues going on here which you might need to look into.

Try to stay away from asking for reassurance. That's not a good look either.

Again, it just sounds like you are unhappy with certain parts of yourself and you are projecting those same feelings on him. If he's not attracted to you, and if that's not already apparent, you will know that soon enough. Generally speaking, well-balanced guys don't stay with women that they are not attracted to.

He does or he wouldn't keep seeing you, simple. We all have hang ups of what we don't like but he won't see it in the same way you do. He has no reason to stay other than he wants to so relax.

I have an ok body, not fat or thin, but it’s below averages probably.

Most people don't fancy other people due to the exact measurements of their various body parts OP.
Stop commodifying yourself.
fancying someone - unless you are a Love Island participant or a pron hound - is a lot more to do with personality, the way they move, laugh, the light in their eye ...

If your b/f didn't fancy you, he would be with you, or getting it in with you a couple of times a week.

Plenty of people bigger than you have partners who fancy them. How does your weight make a difference? Is he some gym bunny with abs of steel and that's making you think he wants a similar gym bunny or something? Otherwise, I don't understand why your weight is relevant.

It sounds like YOU have an issue with you. Youbdont feel confident within yourself and...maybe aren't in the best place to be dating right now. It might be worth examining where this low self esteem/body image came from and seeking to change it. Do not mention it to him though. Just do the self work.

Not to say you couldn't also get more in shape too of course. But do that for you. Not for some guy.

He's dating you. He tells you he fancies you. He tell you you're beautiful. You regularly have sex. What else does he need to do to show you he fancies you?

This all seems to be in your head. If you come across as insecure and ask him for reassurance regularly it could have the effect of putting him off you.

I think you need to work on why you have these insecure feelings, and see what you can do to work on them.

Why ?

When do you first remember not liking your body, OP? How old were you? Was anybody fueling it? Like a parent or teacher or elder sibling telling you there was something wrong with the way you looked?

A couple of things. Firstly, I think that as someone who has had concerns like this before, it's a very hard mindset to get yourself out of and (like PP have said), repeatedly asking your partner if your fancy them can change the dynamic in a bad way. A lack of self esteem and need for overly unnecessary reassurance can become draining and it will affect how attractive you come across.

That said, sometimes there's a reason for your worries. Maybe he's not the type of person to vocalise this but also, we do pick up on things that our 'conscious' mind doesn't realise.

Ultimately you want to be in a relationship where you just KNOW they fancy you. Sometimes you can't articulate why but it's just there. So take some time for figure out which one it is, and I'd recommend either counselling or doing more to love your own body (I find exercise helps because I'm like 'bloody hell look at all the amazing things my body can do' rather than aiming for a six pack)

Either way, trust yourself and love yourself. If it's not right then don't just settle.