Hi
I've long suspected my husband has impulsive / hyperactive ADHD . Probs just at the level (not super extreme)
He was texted 20y aho and just missed the threshold (at priory) but I think he didn't know himself well enough to answer honestly (has severe anxiety at the time)
His dad and brother are autistic. I think his mum has many ADHD traits inc anxiety. His sister went totally off rails and is diagnosed bipolar but I think ADHD likely there too.
We have 3 kids and our eldest daughter is ADHD (inattentive) with strong autistic traits (specialist couldn't diagnose tbh I think she is but she really acts to mask it). She's on 2 mesixadions elavanse and long lasting one for evening. It's stopped the odd hand gestures, stuttering. Poor organisation and she can suddenly focus / such a relief as secondary school (she's 13) went off rails in yr7 and she's turned jd around on these meds
Anyway I really want my husband to go back and get a low level of similar medication. We've had so many conversations over the years but he doesn't have self awareness / see if. Now we're 40s it's more obvious and affecting him these ways:
- other men his age don't want to for for drinks with him
- struggles making any longer term connections ag work. Local community (around lots of men his own age / same interests) is I have loads of local friends after 10y, he needs people once and never arranges anything or people don't invite him again :(
- other couples don't invite us out only
Me
- short with kids (snaps too fast)
- can't keep up to date with news / research stuff so seems stupid
- jumps to early conclusions in conversations which annoys people
- (better now. Have worked on this for years£ blurts out / interupts
- flip flops like mad in conversations. Honestly I just send be bothered often as leads to fights / him leaving the room etc and so much drama over a 'standard' topic. I'm just disengaging I end up talking to others and ignoring him as too much effort / conflict to make him focus
- can't have 1-2-1 conversation without playing a mobile phone game, eyes on tv / work pc or being outside the room or hanging half out a room (only time is if eating or driving as have 2nd focus rhere). Drives me absolutely mad
- short tempered snaps / jumps to harsher responses and have to calm him
Down (never recognises himself)
- very defensive / jumps to stupid negative conclusions / triggers (comes across as more immature) eg I say 'why didn't you bring me
Food when I was unwell in bed for 8 days' and he'll say 'I'm so supportive xyz' then immediately
Go into 'if I'm not good enough jusf leave me blah blah'
Has anyone had success getting diagnose man in 40s? He's also messy leaves piles of things places.
But is very high functioning - has 2 senior roles (works alot) and is excellent around the house and strong money management (on paper doesn't make sense but it's communication based mostly)
Just seems more obvious now we're older to me and others and our NT 11y son is very aware his dad is same as sister and talks to me about ways to manage him etc
Any cheap assessor recommendations in London please ? Would be private
Daughter was about £2.5k all in