Why is so much going wrong

[KiraChris]

I lost my nan who I loved so so much beginning of the year, my ex of 3.5 years who only recently said how much he was in love with me etc has been sleeping with others, says im unlovable and worthless etc, our relationship had good times but he hurt me alot physically and mentally would make pig noises at me and call me a fat pig and make me lie on the floor an pour water on me, smashed my things, I ripped some of his in retaliation but didn't like that trait so I stopped, strangled kicked punched me, talk to other women, he was stringing me along all summer I told him I knew he wasn't in love with me he now admitted he wasn't and that he's now happy and with someone and I was just a stepping stone and i wish i was as good as the woman hes with to be loved, I have a neighbour who gets stroppy if I don't do favours and asks for so many things I've started saying no I thought she was my friend but barely speaks to me now, I can't visit my dad as his partner likes it just them two but he will spend time with her family and their kids they call him grandad which is nice but I'm not invited to anything, I live alone and have had leaks and kitchen damages, my car is on its way out, I am in debt after my ex, I am in so much pain emotionally and alone and scared of life, I used to love my skincare work but the Dr I worked for very kindly said to me to take a break from work in 2019 as it wasn't good for clients to see my face as it was swollen were my ex punched my jaw, and I stayed with him and he did get better but got a bit bad again so I feel I wasted all that time and havent worked since 2019 totally lost my confidence.

In my heart I love home life, and Christmas etc but this year I'm alone I'm so loyal and legit. And I just feel like my heart is on fire.

Why is everything going so wrong? Will this ever end 😢

Can I suggest that you do the Freedom Programme? You can find it online.

The real problem here is that you don't know how to love yourself. Because you don't, you allow others to be disrespectful to you or out and out abusive, like your ex, and you allow your self to be harmed because you feel that you do not deserve better.

The key is to find one thing that you enjoy doing, and then give yourself permission to do it. It might be going for a little day trip, or burning a really nice smelling candle - something that makes you feel good. Allow yourself to enjoy it, wholly and peacefully. You need to find a way to connect back with the really wonderful woman inside you, the one who is good and strong and who knows what confidence feels like.

Seconded. Loving and respecting yourself is key, and taking responsibility for yourself. You've had a bad run of luck; it happens to everyone at some point. Some things are to do with poor choices you've made, but that won't be your fault, that'll be to do with how you were raised. Other things are just life's blows.

It's not about you, or any failings you have. Look into self validation, and remember that at Christmas, you are not alone, you have YOU, and you are the person who knows best how to treat you in the way you want to be treated.

The good thing is that the man who was being extremely violent to you has left you so now you can build a more positive life.
It's sad that your Nan died, I'm sorry for your loss. 💐
Think about what you would like to do - could you go back to the work you had before? What do you like doing? Start doing things that are good for you, healthy, fun, social, things.

Your nan dying was out of your hands and I'm sorry your year started so badly. The rest, you didn't cause, but you allowed it to continue.
As you list a catalogue of abusive behaviour, ask yourself why you didn't get rid the first time? If you cared about yourself, you would of, and would of had 2 bad things happen in a year, rather than a long list. The more you say happened, the more it shows that you don't respect yourself.
Take time to be on your own, get to love and respect yourself and your rites, it's not a thing that others can give you, you have to find it yourself. Only then will others respect you and your boundaries.

Sorry you are having a bad time of it. If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you op?

Firstly I am very sorry for the loss of your Nan. I was very close to mine and was devastated when she passed. In time I promise the pain will ease , just be kind to yourself.
The best thing in what you have written is that your ex has moved on, he is a disgusting excuse for a human being. Whatever you do, should he ever decide he wants you back don’t be tempted for a second. People like this will never change .
You said you enjoyed your skincare job, but that the Dr you had been working for had asked you to take a break. Now that you are free from this abuse , can you not approach the Dr again and speak to them regarding re employment. He may or may not agree, if not can you look around for another skincare position. If you are not up to date could you take a course so that your qualifications are more up to date . Once you get back in employment you will feel better about yourself, it will give you a confidence boost.
As for the neighbour who asks you for favours and now you are starting to say no occasionally is being arsey, they are not your friend. They are using you for what they can get . It’s very good you are reinforcing your boundaries, keep working on that .
The debt you have incurred due to your ex, are you really responsible for them or is that what he has told you . Can you visit Citizens advice ( no longer live in UK so not sure they are still running ) to find out what your legal responsibilities are to repay it.
Take one step at a time, looking at everything seems overwhelming . Once you tackle one problem you may find you are more able to deal with the ones that follow .