What’s the answer?

[Nsmechange]

I’m not sure where to start with this but me and Dp have hit a rough patch and neither of us seem to be understating each other at all. It’s a bit like “you don’t show me love & care” but we’re both saying the same thing and feel the other one isn’t listening. We’ve been together 8 years and have 2 Dc. We have a 7 month old and I’m unsure if I’m suffering with PND I don’t know if this is contributing to how I’m feeling and what seems like the relationship crossroads. He keeps saying he thought I’d understand him more by this point in the relationship but as much as he does help he hasn’t done any nights with the baby and baby wakes multiple times a night which is exhausting me at the moment.

What IS it with men being utterly bloody useless with doing their fair share of childcare?

You've got a manchild, if you choose to stay you will be mothering both he and your actual children.

@Nsmechange sounds like you're just struggling to communicate what exactly you need from your partner to feel loved & cared for and maybe he's struggling to communicate his needs to you. As a therapist, I see this a lot and it can actually be where a relationship begins to break down for the long haul. There's a really easy fix and it's to prioritise listening to eachother. It might seem silly but it's really that simple. When we feel like we're being heard we care more about listening to the other person vs if we feel ignored we feel like nagging the other person to listen to us. You should both agree to write eachother a letter about what you love about the other person and also what you'd like to see improve in your relationship for both of you to feel loved. I hope that helps you guys!

So this is the thing, he cooks and will wash up etc and tidy toys away. But it feels like he’s doing that more out of the space of feeling like the place is a mess. I can’t actually keep on top of everything though and if I do try to clean, do washing, tidy it takes up any bit of energy I do have.

Thank you, your right… we are both very different but very similar with our stubbornness and I feel like if I raise an issue he then seems to not listen but blurt out what he thinks is causing the problem which is always something to do with me.
I honestly feel like we need a break from each other but I know that probably sounds quite immature and is difficult anyway because of the kids.
I will suggest the letter thing today, thanks for your advice.