Single people are the unwanted ones VS staying/leaving a miserable relationship

[justponderingthis]

So I've been pondering this. I've seen it mentioned on here a lot, and a single friend said it to me tonight. When you're single, the people you're trying to date are 'usually the ones people don't want' or 'people with issues which is why they stay single'

And they also say that the good people will have been snapped up and won't be single because they have a lot to offer etc.

But in the same logic when someone is in a relationship that's no longer working for them, the advice is always to leave, and that you won't be alone forever if you don't want to be - you'll meet someone who is better for you than this current partner etc.

But if the above is to be believed, you're going to be meeting the people who aren't a catch etc.. and therefore why would you feel confident you'd end up in a happier relationship in the long run?

Everyone has such different tastes and expectations from a relationship so it's not a case of "the good ones" being left single, as what is deemed good by one person could be unattractive to another. When I look at my friends' partners I genuinely think most of them are absolute fuckwits and would rather be single than date them, but my friends obviously think they are the best thing since sliced bread.

Hopefully there is someone out there for everyone.

I'm single after my shit marriage ended. I don't want to make the same mistake again as it took a lot of hard work to get myself back to 'me', I've dabbled in dating a bit but I'm picky as I want the next man to be 'the one', right now I'm concentrating on my new job and enjoying life. I'm not desperate to find a man (I'm getting too old for children at 45) so I'll happily wait until the right one comes along.

I'm not damaged, I don't have issues, I'm actually a decent human and have a great social life. On paper and in reality a man would be lucky to have me.

Exactly the same can also be said for single men my age. Not every middle aged single person is the crap no one wanted.

This, plus "people" aren't even honest with themselves about their own motivations and insecurities, let alone when they project to the rest of the world.

Human relationships (or lack thereof) are far more nuanced and interesting than binary clichés grouping millions of people into one camp or another.

Often the most unhappy people are those desperately trying to convince themselves and others that being single/staying in an objectively dysfunctional relationship is what they really want.

That is an interesting theory you have there.🙂