Those knowing looks between colleagues

[whatisforteamum]

I started a new job a month ago.
Everyone was friendly except my colleague.
Bit quiet and it seemed odd to me so I tried to fit in by being quiet too.
Other colleague will chat so all good.
Today they are chatting away and laughing then giving knowing smiles when they glanced across at me.
We are in our 50,s.
Not at school.urrgh.
I've never had to work with more women than men.
Is this typical behaviour or do I assume I'm not part of the clique....We ve always done things this way brigade.

No it’s not school can’t you just ask them what they think they’re playing at.

Why would you assume it had anything to do with their sex?

You don't give enough information to make a judgement. Maybe they are rude and unpleasant. Maybe you are difficult to work with. Maybe you are doing something differently to the way it's usually done. Maybe you imagined the glances. The only way you will know is by civllly asking if there's an issue.

Maybe they feel threatened by you. Bide your time for a little bit longer in the hope they come around.

I once had this in a much larger office when starting a job at a similar time of year Nov/Dec and I felt really sad and like Billy no mates. It was difficult at first with the knowing glances, in jokes and conversations stopping when I came in etc and I overheard whispers about two nights out, one was a Christmas Doo that had been organised months before I started the other was a regular office curry night out that happened every couple of months.

Anyway I was myself and I didn’t show I was bothered and eventually I was gradually accepted. It turned out I wasn’t popular at first as three of the women in the office were worried that my appointment which was a new role would threaten their jobs. So at first they weren’t happy about my appointment and the creation of my role as they felt it left them very vulnerable and also I had moved from another office/site and the office/site I moved to felt threatened by the senior managers from the site/office I worked at previously.

Be yourselves and don’t create waves.

Just be yourself. Make it clear from the start that you don't play games and they will stop with the stupidity hopefully.

@whatisforteamum

Just keep to yourself as long as do your job and talk when you have don't worry about not fitting in.

If any problems ask them but don't get involved with the gossip or anything as you can't trust people these days.

They do sound clicky to me but just carry on and do your job.

Give it time. You’re still the new girl and they’ve obviously got their nose out of joint about something but I’d bet you anything it’s gone nothing to do with you personally.

I've toned down my normally bubbly chatty self a lot.
The really quiet one seems popular with everyone.
Perhaps I have to bid my Time a bit.
I have left somewhere I worked for years though so I'm bound to be left out compared to that.
I don't get it.I always made everyone who joined the team welcome.
Even the ones who were let go.

I put up with two years of crap like this many years ago. Nothing, absolutely nothing I did or did not, ever changed things. The manager was in cahoots with her parochial staff & was a right c•w. I kept hoping things would improve but they never did.

In the end I left & joined a new company. It was like being reborn & I had 12 happy years before redundancy. Following that I had another 12 + years of amazing working life & left on the crest of a wave.

Don't put up with anything for too long if it doesn’t improve. Life is too short & why should you repress your personality to fit in?

I've never had to work with more women than men.

So? I work with mostly women and none of us are like that. You're not doing the stereotype any favours with that comment.

Apologies for the stereo typing.
Could just be we are different in many ways .

Sorry but if your a woman going into a new work place it's difficult amongst other women as they can be bitchy.

It's happened to me a lot as I work in retail. Still carries on today.

The men are okay mostly just they get brainwashed by them.

It's just your job.

Go in. Be polite. Get on with work. Don't give too much information about yourself let the others talk about themselves if they want.

Be humble, as in "are you doing anything this weekend?" "Yeah a trip into London fingers crossed if there isn't a train strike" not "well we have cocktails and a show, plus we decided to tag on a hotel stay" type of thing.

It's work.

You're right, it's not school, so you need to get on with your job and settle in, and if you can't settle, you leave or you report them. You're responsible for yourself, they don't have to look after you.

What do you mean, 'typical behaviour'? Of what? Women? Working adults? Teams?

Yes just looking to be off about anything that is not precisely how they do it.
Using the wrong spoon or ladle for example.
Today they barely acknowledged my goodbye.
I've decided to ignore it as I'm sure they will deny there is A problem and focus on the reason I went there for a worklife balance.
Everyone else is really lovely tbh.