Relationship Maintenance

[spinachmonster]

We have 4 kids, one baby, almost no time together- which I know should improve a bit in time (baby currently up till 11pm). A bit of a crisis this week (bad argument, talk of splitting up) made us realise that we invest almost nothing in our relationship and that needs to change. We both want to work on it and are keen to.

Just wondering what things you do within your relationship to keep on track- with communication and intimacy, or anything really. I think we need some structure with it so it doesn't just get forgotten about again.- eg each day..... or every Tuesday.....etc.

(I think we will end up splitting up if we can't change things this time, so really grateful for any ideas.) TIA

I think it's really important to just 'be' with each other. Set aside time where it's just you two and no phones/distractions. You say the youngest is up until 11pm - why?? You need some evening time together, if it's a young baby does s/he nap earlier in the evening..could you do something together then? We love having a bath together, it's time spent talking and is quite intimate. He blowdrys my hair - I hate doing it, and he shows his love through acts of service. Just really little things that are time spent with each other. Also, remembering that there will come a time when all children are in bed earlier and you will get your time back..it's just making it work until then. Can you get a babysitter once a month or every other month? Have a date night, or even just go for a walk around bloody asda 🤣 it's just nice to have time as you two, and not mum and dad. Texting throughout the day little messages of love. It's important to remind each other that even in the drudge of every day life, you still love and appreciate them

Thank you @conversationsinthedark That's so true, I think we are really in need of just time together.....luckily we do still really enjoy each other's company.

Yes the baby is 5months and it's very difficult- I'm only now trying to work out a new routine to (try to 🤪) follow. Think she gets overtired then it seems almost impossible to get her to sleep.

I love your idea of a bath together, we used to take it in turns while the other sat beside and chatted. Once the baby starts going to bed we could definitely reinstate that, thank you 😍.

I definitely don't miss the newborn/early days (I do, but don't at the same time 🤣) as you do kinda go on auto pilot and just 'get through' the days! We sometimes do that, one in the bath and the other sits on the toilet and reads to the other. We are 30 and not very wild it seems 🤣. I think sometimes when you're in a rut people tell you to have date nights, trips away etc but I do think it's important to start with the basics at home. X

@conversationsinthedark I completely agree! Trips away are great, but tbh we both prefer quality time at home. Just getting some time together to have a conversation without being interrupted approx 413 times would be a good start 😅 Thanks for your suggestions. 😍