How can I move beyond this

[thegreentriangle1]

DM and I have an outwardly good relationship.

She does lots for me and my family, she is mostly kind and generous.

However, there was a point in my much younger life when I feel she let me down quite badly, and I do believe it has impacted the trajectory of my life to this day.

I know I cannot go back and change what has happened so I want to move beyond it. But I struggle.
When we're together it's nice but when we're apart I often think how could you have done that?

It's only started since my children were born.

I cannot reconcile this kind, loving person with a person who to all intents and purposes neglected my well-being.

Any suggestions?

Have you thought about why she might have done what she did? The circumstances at the time or exterior influences on her?

it is often when we become parents do we realise the impact of an infact not so ideal
upbringing. This is not an uncommon scenario by any means. Know none of this was your fault, the adults at that time let you down.

you do not mention your dad, is he still in your life?

it may well be that you were provided for materially but not emotionally and so perhaps blunder about with accompanying fear obligation and guilt. Three buttons that your mother installed in you.

I think you need to grieve for the relationship you should have had rather than the one you actually got.

Have a look at the current Well we took you to Stately Homes thread on these Relationships pages.

Thanks for your responses.

I will certainly check out the thread you mentioned.

I have a dad who has been present throughout my life. While I was younger his key objective seemed to be to rule with a fist of iron and then live his own life like my mum and sibling didn't exist.

To to fair my mum did have a lot to deal with with him, I know this because it was shared in great detail.

Having had counselling previously I've been told I am a "parentified child".

Perhaps I am grieving my lost years. It certainly feels that way.

I just cannot get my head around a parent(s) who would let their 15 y/o child leave home and start a relationship with someone who is 20.

I lost a decade of my life to an abusive relationship. All my teenage years. My university education. Because no one cared. I could weep to think of it