This may affect my relationship with my dad worried

[Changename4]

I am just worried because I have made a decision about my stepmother want to go NC with her for now and just see my dad.

I have always had a good relationship with my dad but the the thing is I noticed the way my dad is because her negative attitude rubbing off on him.

I have thought once I say no to meeting next week he may go funny. But I really worried if I say I don't mind seeing you he will know it's her I don't want to see. I don't currently need the stress at the moment got a lot on.

It's just until next year maybe I will see her but she a nightmare but have no time for comments, questions etc.

At the age I am honestly done with people like her who make me feel so on edge being around them. Where I just can't be myself.

I love my dad and just don't want us to fall out because I can't put up with her no more. I think with me the trying and trying has actually ran out with her.

I don't know to say this to him like next week. He said they want to take me out to buy something.
I have had split responses to this some say I should go and some say I am doing the right thing keeping her at NC.
But many say can't I just see him on his own.

The answer to this no because I have avoided seeing once already and think he knows this. I think I have hinted just time with him and it's like he pushing us together.

Feeling like he will distances himself from me but I need to protect my mental health. I just can't right now.

So what do I do?

If you’re saying only till next year then just put him off a month and then worry about it after that. You don’t have to resolve it all or decide on it all now and whatever you do decide now doesn’t have to be your decision forever

The thing is I am enjoying my peace now and probably won't want any kind of contact with my Stepmother.

I say until next year but even then the dread of actually even seeing her then is something I dread.

I just honestly don't want to jeopardize my relationship with my father by saying. I will see you but not her I can't do it.

I am still trying to find a way to see her be civil. But honestly now feel so done with giving her many chances wiping the slate clean each for her to say something that will make me like here we go.

I am alright seeing my dad but he has his moments too. Honestly the way she is rubs of on him.

Something happened this year and although he normally moans about this himself it was like someone had said something to him made him worse. Until I said people would love us to not talk etc. He quickly switched back must of realized his mistake. He went way over the top more than usual.

I do think I will just have to make out I am so sick or something..

My anxiety is bad over something else and I don't need her making worse.
I need to keep her far away from me at the mom don't feel strong enough to deal with her.

Sad to say also even my dad sometimes.. Normally he is okay but sometimes the negativity he bring surely her at times rubbing off on his him.

I just worried at the moment I will be triggered and blow up at him. Tell him about himself and her and why I don't say stuff to her. Why I keep my distance and he will realize I have had enough.

So need to keep myself from getting stressed out.

I don't want to have to not have a relationship with my father as he always there for me.

I just need my peace at the moment set the boundary. I feel the lines have been crossed many times and in all honesty my dad crossed a line where I had to pull him up. Coming from Stepmum expected but my dad was a no no.

Even now we not spoken for while and probably because I said I need to get back to him as I maybe work and have a lot of appointments. When he said a date. they want to take me out.
He didn't respond to a photo I sent him.
So like what's up with it all.

Deep down my dad knows I keeping my distance from my stepmum. Don't force the interaction as I am an adult. Not 7 where I had to go to his spend weekends with them and deal with her.
I can now say no and just feel this will come between my relationship withy dad.

So any advice appreciated.

I would just tell him straight. Your his daughter not hers you only want the relationship with him unless she can change her attitude problem.

I know but don't want to the boat.
Last time they visited and stayed on hotel which they came for something else.

I was feeling exhausted not great within myself. He did come get my DS and go so saw him then.

They went to the hotel had dinner. My son enjoyed it but I had a guilt trip messages. It was like Dad was going to come back for using my DS to guilt trip me.

The worst part he knows why I am not going. He not stupid but forcing it.