Help me get my ducks in a row

[Gettingmyheadtogether]

I’m gathering up the courage to have a talk with dh about the state of our relationship. But I’m preparing for a poor outcome, namely that it might be time to separate, with a view to divorce. (We’re in RoI so separation is a precursor )

I’m in a weak position. We have an emotionally fragile teen ds with asd, and I’m a sahm. My degree is over 20 years old, I never managed to complete a post graduate qualification. I’m basically graduate level and less attractive than a new graduate.

DH is a company director. His sister is the financial director for and hiding income will not be hard if he chooses to.

We’re married for 15 years but the house is in his name, and he bought it before we married. His dps are offering him an early inheritance to pay off the mortgage, but I have no doubt that will be put on hold if our marriage is breaking down.

He has a healthy pension built up; I do not.

What information do I need to get hold of before my life blows up?

In England you'd be entitled to half the house and half his pension as a starting point. You'd be entitled to see the reported accounts which presumably his sister isn't fiddling?

Thanks @MarieTharp

Being cynical, would it be better for you to wait until he gets early inheritance and pays off mortgage? Not sure of law in NI but in England you would get half of pension and have of equity in house. The rest depends on who has child or shared care. Basically the one who has child most often gets a little more than half equity.

You should get more than half being a SAHM. If you can hang out for his inheritance, you could get half of that too in theory. Get solicitor advice maybe before you chat, and gather all income evidence & hold the DC's passports.

There’s no you would get half of everything !
in England you would be entitled to a fair share of everything. This could work out as more or even less than 50% total based on fulfilling needs and sharing principle once both parties needs are deemed to be met

not sure of orinciples and rules in RoI

a solicitor will guide you

You are in a vulnerable position - and I would not be making any moves without having a plan. And first step to making the plan is to see a lawyer to understand what you are entitled to.
i would also wait till inheritance comes in and he pays of the house.
I’d also start thinking about what you would do to support yourself.

I know the feeling of wanting to get away.
I had it for a long time before I actually made a move.
But you need to make sure you are able to house and feed yourself and your child once you set it all in motion.

You need a plan.