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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Argument with partner

16 replies

DaisyDooxox · 30/11/2022 00:12

Hi all.

im after some advice please.

I have been with my partner for 8 months and he absolutely hates it when people lie (even a little white lie).

for some context - he always makes comments on how I do exactly as my mum advises and that I never listen to anyone else.

tonight I was on the phone to him, my mum was in earshot. I was telling him about a job I had accepted that I was originally unsure about. He asked “did you speak to your mum about it then?” Worried about what he might say (you’re always listening to your mum, you always do what she says blah blah blah) I said “no” to avoid going into the conversation when my mum was there (I didn’t want her to potentially hear him and for it to hurt her feelings).

he responded: “swear on my life?” And then I came clean that I really did speak to my mum about it.

he is now really angry at me, saying that he hates being lied to.

I simply wanted to protect his relationship with my mum - and that’s why I lied. But he doesn’t understand. Am I in the wrong here? I keep apologising.

OP posts:
Enko · 30/11/2022 00:15

He sounds like a bully who wants you to only rely on him

So what if you talk to your mum. Aren't you a grown adult with ability to make up your mind but also broad minded enough to know ita good to get different perspectives

PixelatedLunchbox · 30/11/2022 00:17

He sounds very jealous and childish.

DuchessDandelion · 30/11/2022 00:19

Enko · 30/11/2022 00:15

He sounds like a bully who wants you to only rely on him

So what if you talk to your mum. Aren't you a grown adult with ability to make up your mind but also broad minded enough to know ita good to get different perspectives

Yup. Controlling, much?

MintJulia · 30/11/2022 00:21

He sounds horribly controlling and manipulative. Why are you with him?

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with you consulting your mum, and it is none of his concern if you do.

You need to tell him sharply that your relationship with your mum is your business and he needs to butt out.

NopeNotHere · 30/11/2022 00:21

You've been with him eight months and he’s actively trying to make you feel uncomfortable about asking your mum for advice and following it? The issue here is not him being angry about your lie, but why you felt compelled to lie. Does he have any positive attributes that override this massive red flag?

Tiani4 · 30/11/2022 00:24

Tell your DP to butt out
You are an adult who can talk to or consult whomever you wish
He doesn't get to decide or make you feel guilty
Learn to reply "it's none of your business I'm an adult , butt out. I'll ask you if I want your opinion but otherwise zip it "

Tinkerbyebye · 30/11/2022 00:29

I would be dumping him. He sounds controlling

DaisyDooxox · 30/11/2022 00:34

When I’ve told him why I lied - he says he wouldn’t have reacted in that way and that he simply asked a question and asked for it to be answered honestly

OP posts:
FloydPepper · 30/11/2022 00:39

Wow
the absolute opposite of responses to the recent thread where the man tells a small lie and the woman will not tolerate it.

Heavyraindropsarefallingonmyhead · 30/11/2022 00:46

I understand the not liking lies. But that doesn't mean it's okay to get at you for listening to your mum. If it's only been 8 months and it's not going to get any better it might be time to call it a day.

Honestly he sounds like he's offended you don't take his manly advice and instead listen to another woman. He also sounds like he might be threatened by your relationship with your mum and willing to cause problems there.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/11/2022 00:59

This is all so absolutely ridiculous. Dump this idiot and find an actual adult.

TheTeenageYears · 30/11/2022 01:03

You were always going to lose in this situation either because you lied or because you admitted to something he has made clear is an issue for him. 8 months in I think you really need to look at the signals he's giving. Your DM has (I presume) been there for you supporting you your whole life and that doesn't just switch off because some billy big shit comes along wanting you to hang off his every word. Unless you have told him you find DM interfering/abusive and he is therefore trying to protect you from her then he absolutely shouldn't be getting on your case about talking something through with your DM.

Heavyraindropsarefallingonmyhead · 30/11/2022 01:10

Also just think about the fact that you told him good news (you accepted a job) and his first instinct isn't to congratulate you but to pick at your decision making process. He's not happy for you he's looking for faults.

badassbaby · 30/11/2022 01:55

DaisyDooxox · 30/11/2022 00:34

When I’ve told him why I lied - he says he wouldn’t have reacted in that way and that he simply asked a question and asked for it to be answered honestly

MASSIVE control freak.
And this is after 8 months?
Wow.

dolor · 30/11/2022 01:58

Christ, is he a fucking child?

He needs to get over himself.

BadNomad · 30/11/2022 02:20

Meh. Throw this one back. Too much aggro for only 8 months in.

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