Weight gain

[watdouthink]

Hi,

Looking for advice.

I met my now husband 12 years ago, we've been married six.

I was never super slim when I met him. A size 12 maybe so still had curves.

I don't look after myself. I don't exercise. I pig out. I've had two children in two years. Feb 2021 and July 2022. He doesn't find me attractive, I have put on 4 stone. It's not just the physical attraction that's gone tho, he says he's not mentally attracted to me either.

I'm really finding it hard to get the motivation to lose weight. And it's not for him, I want to lose weight too.

Any tips for a tired mum of two? I'm also 36 now so I'm not a young mum.

Don't be so harsh on yourself. It's not even been 6 months since you gave birth. Two babies back to back is a lot to put your body through and it's expected that you can't just jump back to what you looked before.

And with a baby and a toddler who the hell has time for the gym or for meal planning low calorie meals? You're probably in survival mode.

Your husband should be supportive and come up with practical help like taking kids off your hands so you can exercise, not spew hurtful judgements at you.

Must be a hard situation all around. I'm sorry you're dealing with this

I recently (about a year ago) started working to get fitter and lose weight. It spiralled in to me now being gyn fit and very athletic which I had never been previously.

The only thing you can do is start taking small steps. It takes ages to see results, I was dieting for about 2 months before my weight loss started, so don't give up when nothing happens overnight. I quit drinking and lost the first stone without any trouble from that, I had to diet to lose any more than that. Swapped carb heavy meals for high fibre alternatives. Cut back on white breads and white pasta. Swapped for brown initually. Lots of soups st lunchtime. Lots of eggs, fish, high protein food. Portion control is a big big one. I still have a day off from dieting and I don't throw in the towel after one bad day and just give up. Count calories over a week so if you over eat one day you can still be under over the week.

I started doing yoga, just at home following youtube videos. I started on the 10 minute easy ones. Then did 2 a day. Then worked up to the intermediate then advanced. I still do at least 30 minutes every day. My strength and balance improved massively with this alone. I can do all the hard poses I used to think were impossible. You don't need any special equipment just a yoga mat. Pilates is also amazing. Don't get upset if it's hard, it's supposed to be, consistency pays off. If you stick to it you will see a difference but again nothing happens overnight. Yoga helps me feel physically and mentally stronger, it makes me feel much more in control and in tune with myself.

You haven't said what your eating habits are like in your post but you should work on identifying triggers. Do you eat when you're sad? Cook extra and have seconds? Just love cake? Whatever your downfall is find it and try to moderate it. For me it was eating massive portions of carbs. If you are emotionally eating look for triggers and avoid them, I know that is easier said than done but don't be afraid to step away from people or situations that aren't helping you.

The biggest part is just sticking at it, even when it feels like it's slow or impossible.

Good luck op.

I never bothered until the babies turned one tbh, you are still recovering from a pregnancy and birth! Give yourself a break!! If anything just get out and about with the kids more-double buggy? I used to challenge myself and try and do an extra 20 mins a day of more uphill pushing my double buggy for a bit more cardio

Do you think he may be using this as an excuse. What he said is a bit harsh to say the least when you have just had two children. What sparked this discussion.

I'm not surprised you don't have the motivation after what he's said to you as well as having two babies.
Have a goal in mind, get hot then dump him?

You sound quite low and flat OP, have you talked to the GP about your state of mind? Do you get many breaks from looking after your DC? Do you feel like ‘you’ or just knackered?
I feel for you. You need to find love for yourself again, not just for your DC.

@minticecreamisjustok You must be a personal trainer because I am not even in this situation and I want to work out for OP!

@watdouthink Tell me what an Adonis and breathtaking man he is to be able to tell you this? He must be the absolute everything in bed? How dare this nitwit!!!!!! You’ve had some children and it takes time.

unless he is grading cheese on his abdomen while making you dinner then his make entitlement is showing…

Your lives have changed massively in the last couple of years. Going from being a couple to family life with two small children, close together changes everything. I'm willing to bet your weight is only a small part of his issue, which I'd imagine like a lot of men, in no small part down to him not liking his new life as much as his old. He's blaming his discontent on you letting yourself go because he thinks that's something you can fix, and because it's an oven ready excuse should he decide to bail.
I say this because you shouldn't put too much store on weight loss saving your relationship. By all means improve your health and wellbeing, but do it from self care, not to appease him. He will either get used to his situation and learn to value it and you, as he should, or he won't. I can't imagine your dress size will be the deal breaker.

Those things are really hurtful. Did he say what he wants in the future? Does it involve you?

Don’t change for him. Any changes should be for you.

If you are doing it for yourself start gentle. Start by walking with your pram, bit of gentle Pilates. Your self esteem will improve and you’ll feel fitter. I’ve also started the 5:2 diet as I also need to lose. Going well so far. Talk to your husband and see if you can work on things xxx