Breakup Heartbreak

[LucyLLou79]

Me and my Ex broke up almost a year ago after 20years together and I am still heartbroken. I spend most nights crying and wondering what went wrong and why we can't work through things as when I look back on our relationship I don't think it was too bad. I think lots of things from my past and becoming a mum made me forget who I was and I lost my way. I am so sad, I just can't see a future and sometime feel I dont want to be here anymore. I can't cope on my own, I feel like I have failed my kids, and still am as I can't break out of this. I really don't know what to do anymore, I don't look forward to anything, and have started to shut away from the small network I have around me as I am just miserable to be around and feel like a broken record. I can sense people are getting fed up with me. I am waiting on counselling but I can't see how it's going to help. I just want to stop feeling this way and don't know how. Is this normal is there anyway forward and how can I get there. My whole future as I saw it and wished gor has been taken from me 😢😢😢

Don't put the man who left ahead of your children whom will love you regardless.

You need to see your gp about getting some depression tablets op.Dont wait for the counciling, go see your go asap.ouve git caught in a nasty spiral due to depression.

That relationship, you said of 'I don't think jt was too bad'. So, bu that reasoning, it also wasn't too good. So really, why is it such a loss that a year later, you'd still be crying about it?

Perhaps its end, triggered the depression initially. But now, the depression is drawing out the upset.

I just feel no relationship is perfect. It feels like we grew apart coz I was lost. I'm just exhausted and alone and I can't bear it. He was my everything and without him I have nothing

But that's simply not true. You have everything.
Life, kids, a roof over your head. It's the depression telling you otherwise. Go see your gp about a prescription. You're not going to get better any time soon IF you do nothing.

Ýou mention being exhausted. Is this physical? Is there anything that could be done lesson the physical burden? Could you for example, afford a holiday? Or perhaps a sun lamp to help with the depression. Getting some fresh air and exercise every day too might help.

You need to focus on getting yourself better. Who knows what might be in the future. But focus on taking little steps to feel better in yourself fir now. Start by telling yourselves the good things you have. Use positive language and you'll hopefully start to feel more positive.

Thanks o just can't see it. I think I'm mentally exhausted. I went on holiday about a month th ago, even though I couldn't afford it but it was just another reminder I am on my own and what I'd lost.

I know what you say is true, I have good things but the future I wanted for me snd my kids has been taken away and I just can't see how to move past that.

I go to work everyday, well work from home mainly, and rarely speak to anyone. I try and get out with the dog. I've tried to do things to but I think it's the exhaustion of keeping up the flalse 'I'm ok' that's exhausting as I am just broken constantly and folk don't know the half of it coz I dont have anyone I feel comfortable confiding in.

I hate my kids seeing me like this. Makes me feel so much more a failure. Sorry for the self pity, I know that's how this must all sound x

Step 1 GP and meds
step 2 counselling

step 3 Is to
force yourself back into life

one task at a time
you have to push yourself a bit I’m afraid

depression is brutal but you owe it to yourself and your kids to take the steps needed x

Thank you for your supportive comments. I know what you say is true and probably what I need to do but I just can't yet for some reason. I don't know why. I'm just stuck

I've had crappy things happen to me in my life and the only one who's pulled me up was my ex, so I am lost without that rock to reach to. He was the only person in my life I turned too and reached out to. Feel like I have no one and I'm not strong enough to do it on my own.

@LucyLLou79 just wanted to say I'm sorry you feel so awful. You sound so very sad.
I think I'm experiencing some sort of depression, my 21 year marriage ended this year but it's the ending of a 6 month fling that's just hit me like a tonne of bricks. I had feeling's similar to you today where I thought I don't think I can do this anymore. Then I realised I was being ridiculous as I looked at a picture of my DD.
I hope you get some counselling quickly and that your GP can help x

You can and will find an alternative to reaching out for your ex. Self reliance and resilience is a wonderful gift. Depression makes you want to hide but push yourself to text that friend, go for that walk, see that film. Take small steps into changing your state of mind. When your kids see you miserable, plaster on a smile and do something silly with them. At the peak of a breakdown I found the only way out was to act how I wanted to be. I faked it till I made it. Somehow it worked. Also...counselling

LucyLLou79

i get it
but bluntly he’s gone now lovely
and you can and will be able to look after yourself

I know it’s hard , and your mindset hs has a terrible shock

but many women have been through this , you will too . Please if nothing start by having a GP

self Care

That's the thing though there's mixed messages all the time. I still care deeply for him and he's acknowledged that he does for me too, but the last few years things have been difficult and things have happened that make him unsure if things would work or if we should try again.

I've had some difficult conversations around this tonight as if we want to try we need to start somewhere as nothing will ever be certain and if we can't as much as it hurts like hell I know I will need to start facing the reality of life alone.

I've realised that working from home really affects my mental health. It's super-convenient, but if you're not seeing real people in person at all it can soon get very bleak.

I wonder if that could be making you feel worse about things?

I joined a really good gym with a good social scene, to force myself out and meet people, and it's worked wonders.

Maybe you could find something new to get you a bit more socially active? A new group of friends wouldn't know about your past, and you'd therefore naturally need to speak about other things and you could perhaps forge a new you?

Thanks @ZaphodDent I work from home 3 days a week, and the other 2 days I am in a work base but due to my I still rarely see people to chat to. I think you are right this will deffo be playing a part too.

I have trued widening my network a bit, joining gym, volunteering but I still just feel on my own at these things so far. Maybe too soon. Plus I'm struggling to find the motivation to even go just now. Maybe I need to see my GP to get something to help push me in the right direction. I think I am doing the right things (in theory!) But just a big mental block just now.

Thanks for listening and words of advice.