*TW* Daughter attempted something….how would you react?

[PIckledMe]

If your teenager daughter committed a ‘cry for help’, how would you treat her/react to that incident, on the day and moving forwards over the years?

Trying to work out if how I was/ have been treated is considered ‘ok’ or not.

What would you say?
What wouldn’t you say?

Would you sit and chat about the whys? Or would you brush it off and get on with life?

Not much traffic in the ‘Parents of adult children’ section so popping here instead.

5 years ago I attempted to unalive myself. I went through something very traumatic.
My mum got on the train and straight to me and stayed with me until I was strong enough for her to go home. We spoke about the whys, the what ifs and everything inbetween and getting support so I didn't do it again (which I haven't since.)

I don't know if that answers your question but I'll always be grateful for my mum for coming and pretty much saving my behind at that period in my life.

Rather than asking what other people would do with their own children, why not ask yourself how you would have wanted to be treated, and what effect that has had on you long term?

I self-harmed as a teenager because I was being sexually assaulted on a daily basis. It was brushed over and I was told off and shamed for being "dramatic", "silly", "highly strung", "imaginative" etc etc etc.

Needless to say that had a very long lasting effect. I have been NC with my dad (the abuser) since I was 15, NC with my enabling mum for the last 8 years. It took a huge toll on my MH and made me very wary and reluctant to ever seek help for anything or show I was in any sort of pain to anyone.

Thankfully things are much better for me now. I hope they are better for you too

Ask go for outside help ASAP. By the time she gets any she may really need it.
My dd self harmed a year ago. In Feb she told school she couldn't say she wasn't suicidal... 2 overdoses later my nerves are shot and she won't see her therapist...
Never too early for intervention.. Be honest. Tell dd you are out of your depth.

Dd is nearly 16...

Trying to work out if how I was/ have been treated is considered ‘ok’ or not
You're trying to work out if your parents responded correctly when you attempted suicide? I think that's probably something it you can know, because you know if what they did helped or not, if they were capable of more or not.
I was 22, so not a kid, I'm not sure there was ever much chat about the whys, just the emotional pressure to not do it again. I haven't but in retrospect I understand as an adult that that level of emotional pressure isn't good. I think it was largely something we didn't talk about, but I came home from Uni, I had somewhere to live and support with doing that.

From the way you worded it, are you the daughter? The only person who can decide if they way you were treated was ok, is you. Different people need different kinds of support.

I don’t think you were treated well just by your use of “cry for help”.

”Cry for help” otherwise known as attention seeking pseudo attempts do not exist imho. There are only attempts or completions. That’s it. Any attempt should be treated with the utmost seriousness and compassion. It should not be minimised into a “cry for help”.

Would you sit and chat about the whys?
No. I’d get my DD professional help from a psychiatrist for that. I’d be afraid I’d make her feel even worse. I would say how much I love her and how much she belongs here and now and promise to be there for her anytime she needs me.

Mine did nothing. Absolutely nothing. Didn’t come to A&E, ICU, didn’t ring ICU, didn’t speak to me for about a month and then wanted to chat like nothing happened? Whilst I was sat with bandages still on my arms.

I was 18, for context. Room mate at Uni found me. Won’t go into detail but I ODd on the ADs Id been on since I was 16, and had taken a knife to myself.

Unfortunately I expect that part of the reason you made a "cry for help" was also part of the reason they responded in the way they did, as in, they don't sound like the most emotionally engaged of parents.

I always think when people talk about attention-seeking or cries for help ... well, so what? Why is it bad that someone wants attention? We're allowed to need that.

Nobody who is happy and in a good head space needs a 'cry for help'. That doesn't exist - I self harmed from a very young age for a very long time and my parents brushed it under the carpet and ignored it as me being 'overdramatic' and 'highly strung'. I am now an adult who struggles daily with their mental health and I can't help but wonder if things would have been different if I had received the help I needed as a child. Obviously not all of it is down to others - but I feel like I've failed in life, I have no real career prospects and I don't feel like I'm good enough at anything to try I do believe I could have done well if I had received earlier intervention. I have a 7 year old now, just a year older than when I started self harming - I couldn't imagine ignoring her or any child the same way I was ignored. So no, I wouldn't just ignore a child in need ever, I'd do anything in my power to get that child outside support as well as making them aware that I was there always and would do anything possible to help them as much as I could.

That’s awful I am sorry you didn’t receive the care and support you needed, I had an eating disorder as a young teen and my parents didn’t notice (if they did they didn’t say anything) school did and were concerned

Thankyou all for taking the time to post and open up 💐 Some harrowing stories that I feel I have written myself….I do sincerely hope you are in better places than the times you speak of. Some very triggering details I can relate to, you are in my thoughts.

I was 18 & got told I was stupid for doing such an action and as we pulled up on the driveway from being in A&E and me drinking charcoal, distinctly, even now approaching 50, I remember my ‘parent’ ordering me to not tell my sibling and instructing me to never discuss the incident again. No empathy, no hug, no questions, no concern.

The GP put me forward for one counselling session (back in the 90s) and from memory it lasted less than 60minutes.

I’m now completely NC with all of them, in my mind I have no family of origin. My daughter is 7 (told you it hit a nerve 🙂) and their narcissistic, misogynistic, ostracising comments, the coercive control, financial abuse and mind games started against me at that age, it’s my duty to protect her from them but I was wondering if I was being too over-sensitive & actually if what they did and said when I OD’d was ‘ok’.

I’ve done the right thing, haven’t I? My anxiety is shy-high, I’m about to start Citalopram, I’m constantly on high alert and surviving on about 3 hrs sleep a night.

Hoping you are as ok as you can be right now, everyone xx

I’m so proud of you for permanently removing the problem from your life and ensuring that they never affect your child. My own family had very limited (100% supervised) contact with my DC’s and they have been dead for nearly 7 years. It is only now that some of the traumatic and manipulative things they slipped in when I must have been in the loo or showering have come out in conversation. My kids were 9 & 7 when they last encountered my family members, so quite small, but old enough to remember and factual recount what was said.