I really need some advice please as I don’t know what to think anymore and don’t trust my feelings at all.
So my partner is a very playful and loving Dad towards our Daughter and he thinks the world of her and would do anything for her. He is also very very hardworking / a good provider and protects us as a family. However, unfortunately he’s very reactive and will shout and sometimes say mean words to her when she makes him angry and pushes his buttons.
Tonight I had to pop out just for 45 mins to help my brother, who is poorly in hospital. When I was just about to leave to come home my partner was ringing me to say I needed to come home right away. He said our 7 year old daughter was covered in poo in the shower and he had caught her doing what he thought was rubbing poo all over tummy. She has had a stool holding problem for many years and this causes her to have regular accidents. She has medication from the paediatrician. Her Dad was so shocked and angry and just couldn’t believe why she was doing this and reacted and said what are you doing! She was so upset and embarrassed that he had seen her like this that she used her hands and shouted go away (she would have been mortified her dad seeing her like this. Her hands were still dirty from the accident and as she was waving her hands shouting go away she ended up flicking the poopy water that was still on her hands at him. She had been trying to wash it off she told me, but it had got all over her hands. Obviously she reacted and just wanted him to leave the bathroom and didn’t even think about her hands. When I asked her why she did this, as we don’t do things like this she initially told me she didn’t. Eventually she sad she didn’t even think about her hands being messy as she was trying to clean up in the shower and she saw red I think that her dad saw all of this. Her dad was very angry about and called her a filthy pig and also an idiot for wiping poo on herself and he said throwing it at him too.
When I got home she was totally hysterical in the shower saying she hates her dad and he doesn’t respect her. She told me what he called her and she said I must be an idiot as that’s what he said I am. She said she wanted me to leave her dad and she wants us move out. She didn’t calm down for a very long time and was so upset and understandably very embarrassed too. During this time she tore a photo up of her and her dad together and scribbled his name out the photo frame, of the 2 of them together.
I've tried to understand exactly what has happened and listen to both sides of the story. However they are both telling me their own sides of their story (which are different). My partner has now gone
mad at me and is very angry, for not disciplining our child. He had said I am the cause of all of this, because I never discipline her and she’s very disrespectful to us. He’s also called me an idiot because I am telling him off when I should be telling our daughter off for her actions.
We have been through a very bad time in our relationship the last few years and have been really trying to work things out but he hurts me a lot by being mean and insensitive, belittling me and mentally abusive to me on occasions. But other times he treats me like I am everything and so special to him. This makes me doubt myself and feel so confused, which is why I always have to ask others for their opinions on things.
Now I have no idea what to think. I will always protect my Daughter and do what’s right for her, as she is the most important person in the world to me. I would really appreciate some advice from other parents please about this situation. Similar things like this, have happened before and I always doubt myself. Sorry for such a long post and thanks for reading.