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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling unwanted

5 replies

mum0707 · 28/11/2022 22:27

Hi all! Just in need of opinions and somewhere to rant.

ive been with my partner for 7 years. We have 2 kids together and live together. There’s been a lot of ups and downs over the past few years but within the last few months I believe things have really improved and we’re getting back to the stage we were at before the children.

my issue is I feel so unwanted in this relationship. Although the past few months he’s been telling me how he loves me, has found the love of his life etc his actions are quite the opposite at times.

there was a period of quite a few weeks recently where he couldn’t be without me. When at home he wanted me around him constantly even if it was just to sit beside him while he was working on his computer, or to hug in bed etc. then he goes through these stages where it’s like I’m not important at all.

for example tonight, things have been fine all day we have been talking and having a laugh/chilling together and then it comes to bed time and I could sense a shift and next thing he’s gone to bed by himself and closed the door (expecting me to sleep on the sofa). It bothers me a lot as there was not any issues to have caused this and it makes me feel so unwanted and unimportant.

also with our sex life - I would say it’s pretty good when we do have sex but we only do it when he wants to. Which can be 1/2 times a week max. He only generally wants it every 3ish days and sometimes will only be once a week. I was on my period for 2 weeks and he was completely against period sex (which is fine) but I’ve been off my period for nearly a week now and he still hasn’t attempted to have sex with me. He hinted at it today but didn’t make any move - KNOWING that I want to have sex and would everyday if I could. I also caNt come onto him as he doesn’t like that, so I just have to wait for when he makes the move.

safe to say I’m sitting on the sofa feeling pretty crap. Being a mother with no friends is very lonely anyway and he’s the only friend I really have so it’s really sad and lonely when he’s like this.

what do you all think?

OP posts:
ChrisTrepidation · 28/11/2022 22:30

You aren't 'allowed' to initiate sex???

I'll tell you what I think. You've got a misogynist with a Madonna/ whore complex for a partner...

ChrisTrepidation · 28/11/2022 22:31

Not sure why you would even want sex with a man like him. He sounds awful.

ChrisTrepidation · 28/11/2022 22:33

Oh and he doesn't care about you either. How dare he make you sleep on the fucking sofa. Open the door and get into your bed!!

YoSofi · 28/11/2022 22:54

So many red flags.

He is emotionally abusive, I bet there’s more isn’t there?

rmummyofone · 28/11/2022 23:20

Being alone is better than being with someone who's makes you feel alone. I learnt this lesson the hard way. Please leave. The wishy washy ups and downs are what you're addicted to, when it's good it's good when it's bad it's terrible but you slowly believe the bad isn't so bad and eventually apologise to get the "good" back.

Mumsnet helped me recognise my coercively controlling ex's behaviour. I knew no different to him, as I'd had no partners before him. I'm now out of that marriage and working torwards a better future for myself and my little one.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4415137-husband-desperately-wants-another-baby-but-i-don-t-feel-ready

If you have time, if it helps at all, read the wonderful responses the amazing women on there have given to me. The support is unreal.

For now, keep a log, mentally and written down or on an app, bright sky looks like a weather app but you can document on there. Abuse is more than physical there are so many types.

Tell your GP how you feel even if u feel overwhelmed etc. Your boss at work anyone. A neighbour anyone at all.

We're all here supporting you.

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