Sex, pregnancy and covid.

[scige]

DP and I have been together 10 years. One DC (4). One on the way (due next spring).

Things have been rocky for the past 5 years or so. Somehow, we always manage to sort it out.

Anyway, last night we had a fight because he wanted sex and I didn't. I am 20 weeks pregnant and have coronavirus, currently. I feel dreadful. His response was along the lines of me "never wanting it" and how we should be having sex weekly, at least. I do get his frustrations but don't think he realises how hard I have been finding this pregnancy, even before catching Covid. I'm usually in bed and ready to sleep by 9.30pm: he spends all evening gaming online and doesn't even get into bed until around 11pm, usually, by which point I'm falling asleep and not in the mood for anything. I said that tonight I would make an effort and even then he moaned, saying that I shouldn't need to 'book a date in' and I should just want it.

I am now in serious doubt about our relationship. I realise that it sounds overdramatic. It isn't so much that he was horny last night and I wasn't. It is more the fact that his whole attitude was so selfish and felt very unkind - huffing and puffing and sulking, whilst I am all Covidy, propped up in bed with five pillows, struggling to catch my breath, sweating uncontrollably (God knows why he was interested in doing anything anyway!). Then moaning at me even when I tried to make a compromise, promising to make it up to him the next night. It's made me consider his whole approach to our relationship and all the other inconsiderate things he does, which I have been tolerant of over the past few years.

His demands for sex are just pushing me further from him. I know that will only make things worse for our relationship.

What do I do? Plan more regular intimate times with him, even when I'm not feeling it, in order to keep him happy and to avoid conflict and possibly improve our relationship?
Make him wait until I genuinely feel better and run the risk that I'm just pushing him away in the meantime?
Take this as a sign and a wake up call that he only he is concerned about his own needs and surely that isn't a healthy relationship (there are other things making me think this, just didn't want to make this post too long).

Or, am I overthinking everything thanks to pregnancy hormones?! 😂

Thanks in advance.

He's mad at you for not wanting sex when you're ill with covid and you're pregnant?

What a complete and utter Wanksock.

Tell him to sling his hook and invest in a sturdy wanksock cos he's going to need it.

😂
Okay but what does this actually mean???
Sling his hook - as in end it? Over one incident?
TBH I have been thinking this - but also trying to think rationally and not make rash decisions that are being largely influenced by pregs hormones, oversensitivity, blah blah blah...

Wow what a catch 😐

It's not about being hormonal, you're just trying to excuse his poor behaviour

He’s a selfish dick.

is he doing anything that would make you want to be intimate with him - taking care of your DC so you can rest, pulling his weight around the house etc? As Dr Phil says “sex on a Saturday starts with taking the bins out on a Wednesday”

Nope. And I think that's part of my frustration.

I would probably be 'up for it' more readily if I wasn't so knackered every night. But it is always me who cooks dinner for all of us. Who helps DC feed himself. Who bathes and puts DC to bed. Sorts out his stuff for nursery the next day. Washes and irons everyone's clothes. Not trying to sound like a martyr; I realise I've made a rod for my back.

It has just really upset me that he sees me doing all the 'boring', day-to-day stuff on my own and then wonders why I'm too knackered to get under the sheets with him - with or without Covid.

I have had this conversation with him many times before - not always linked to sex but linked to his selfishness. 1 kid on, 1 on the way, nothing changes. So guess I've just got to lie in the bed I've made?

You do not have to put up with this. You could try telling him how unattractive the sulking is, and that if he wants you to be more receptive he needs to treat you with respect and pull his weight around the house. You could try marriage counselling. Or you could leave him- at least you’ll have every other weekend off then. Those are 3 suggestions off the top of my head which are alternatives to just putting up with the situation.

Yes it means "get lost."

And it's not just one incident is it? Your opening post makes him sound like a complete selfish arse.