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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help! what do I do with this marriage

2 replies

Poppypickels · 28/11/2022 14:39

This is my first time on here and posting this

I’ve been with my husband for 10years (married for 5 years) we have a lovely daughter together. Everything seem to be fine we had our ups and downs like any normal relationship. Last year i had speculation he was cheating on me he was very secretive with his phone and it was always with him. One evening I managed to look on his phone and found he was talking to another women and have sent some naughty photos, my tummy was in knots I asked him about this and yes he was shocked and embarrassed and was very apologetic and he promised me nothing had happened (sexual wise) the reason for doing this was because I was distant from him and we don’t have sex much these days. so after a lot of talking I gave him another chance and to rebuild our relationship and relight this flame that seem to be going out.

But then I stupidly message a guy who I knew and it was flirty messages and my husband found it and yes it did hurt him a lot, I was in no intention to cheat even to this day I don’t know why I did it, maybe to get back at my husband I don’t know and it was silly.

Now I just don’t know what to do or what’s wrong with me I still feel I can’t shift what he done last year and I still think what if he’s doing that or who he’s talking to now. Some days he can be too over affectionate and some days he can be moaning and can’t be arse to do things. He’s a great father and I can feel myself not happy in this relationship but I don’t want to hurt him or other people. I’m always saying to myself let see how it goes after so long and I don’t want sex all the time. Most time I like just being me and my daughter we do a lot together he was always out with mates or sports that he do, but recently he drop some sports and don’t go out with his mates as much.

I could write more my head is in such a whirlwind and why am I feeling like this.

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 28/11/2022 14:50

So you were distant from him, in his mind, yet instead of talking to you he flirts sends sexy pics to another woman. Then tries to say nothing has happened, but that's only physically. And then you decide to flirt message with someone else saying you had no intention to cheat.

I think you need to sit down and if you are going to stay together you both need to admit and forgive that the messaging now on both sides was a betrayal but you both found out before any further damage was caused. Wipe the slate clean. And only if both of you can agree this was stupid blips, if that is the case can you move forward.

What you can't do now is one say my flirting messaging was innocent whereas your flirting messaging was betrayal.

That's if you both want this marriage to work.

Poppypickels · 28/11/2022 14:57

Thank you

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