Resentment!

[Abi164849489]

Just looking for some advice really, or if anyone else has been through this or something similar. Any podcasts/ videos anything would be helpful! My partner and I have been together for 4 years, we were long distance for 2 years until I moved to a different city for us (where he lived). I left my family, friends, job everything. Anyway, very quickly i became pregnant, we were both so happy. A week away from giving birth I found messages on his phone from another woman. Naked pics etc. About to give birth, no family or friends around me, it was honestly the most traumatic time. I'd given this man my trust- after a string of reallt crap relationships and I finally met someone I thought was different. Besides this, after a very tough few months we decided to work through it and he's really made an effort to change and do what he can to make it up to me. I do believe he's sorry. But I'm just filled with so much resentment. And I feel like its just getting worse. I feel like i had the joy stolen from what should've been the happiest time of my life and I don't know how to move forward from that. I've become obsessive about this other woman, who knew I was pregnant, I can't believe another woman could do that. I know he's the one to blame here but I feel like she's just out there living a happy life which seems so unfair. I can't stop wondering what it is she has that I don't. I literally don't know how to move past this. Help!

I would honestly suggest counselling, because you need to work out if this is really something you can get over. I don't know if I could.
I'm so sorry.

Thank you!

How long ago did this happen?

Hi, it was around 7 months ago now..

Forget the OW. She owed you nothing.

It is all on your DH

Agree with Feef83.

So sorry 💐

Thanks guys. I know he's the a*hole here. I just find it so hard not to be angry at her too.

I actually dont agree with @Feef83 . I think that the other woman is as bad. After all men couldnt cheat if women said no and had a bit of moral fibre about them. Always makes me wonder about motive when people defend OW.
Sorry this has happened, hope you can find some support.

I know how you feel OP. My exDh cheated when I was pregnant but we split up when I found out (my Dd was 1 by the time I caught him).

I agree your DP is to blame as it's him that broken your trust. However in addition to this I had a lot of anger towards the OW who id met several times and she was well aware I was pregnant.

It's a whole level of low to do that to another woman when you know what she's going through.

90% of my anger was towards DH but he'd suffered the breakdown of our marriage, less time with his baby plus all the financial consequences. His life was more or less ruined (through his own actions), however it felt like the OW got off very lightly and went about her own life unscathed after playing a partial role in tearing apart a family and ruining what should have been the happiest stage of my life

you truly think the other woman is “as bad” as the husband? The person who actually married the Op and impregnated her, lives with her, holidays with her?

So it’s the responsibility of women for men not to cheat 😂

God I'm so sorry. Most painful thing to go through, especially when there's children involved. I feel the same. ❤

Thank you ❤

@Feef83 nope they are both responsible. A woman who engages in this way with a bloke she knows is taken is as much a scumbag as the bloke.
Are you really saying that the other party is blameless even if they know they are destroying a life?
Wonder why you are defending this so much ? Speaking from experience?

I am not saying blameless

are you really saying the OW is as bad ie. Equal share of blame??

I agree this is all on your partner. You can question the morals of the OW but he is the one who commited to you, was having a baby with you, created a family with you, lied to you, cheated on you, risked your sexual health, potentially ruined your faith in relationships forever. The OW had real obligation to you personally (you don't even know what he told her about you).

I think some counselling could help you to decide if you want to stick this out with him. I'm not sure I could ever get over what he did.

That should have said

the OW had NO real obligation to you

So you should be angry at her! They’re as bad as each other yes he should have not done it but she knew you was pregnant! And still done it

I don’t think they are as bad as each other at all. The OW has particularly low morals and low self respect but she is not the one who betrayed the OP. I think it is ok for OP to be angry with her, but not mainly or equally.

Both hurt her they are as bad as each other other people are aloud opinions, some people feel differently when there cheated on and have every right and aloud to be angry